Thursday, June 10, 2010

Confused and Without Direction... HELP!

I am so confused!  I received an email this morning (a great way to start a long day of taking the train to the city to go to the Museum of Science and Industry after two nights of no sleep by the way!) from the organization I am, or thought I was, working with towards our adoption.   I had emailed how my first homestudy appointment went and the approximate timeline for completion.  The response was an email saying that things have become a lot more complicated in the area and that she wondered if it was the program for me.  Said that there were going to be a lot more potential risks.  And she asked me to call her this weekend.  ???!!!

I am so .... I don't even know the words I'm looking for right now.  Not mad, it's not that, just...  I had prayed and researched and looked and felt that all signs were pointing toward this area/place and this specific organization.  I feel like I'm back at square one and don't know which way to turn or where to look.  

I need a location/country that will accept single mothers.  I need a location where travel is at a minimum as I'm a single parent with no family in the area and a full time job.  So travel needs to probably be less than 2 weeks, and that's even stretching it somewhat.  A week would be ideal.  I felt from the first that God was leading us to an adoption THIS year, so places that take 15-24 months don't seem where God is leading.  And, for all the talk I've always done about boys, boys, boys, I had heard that the area I was wanting to adopt from required singles to adopt same gender, and now my heart is feeling like a baby girl is "right."

Anyone know somewhere that fits in with all that????????  I am obviously open to HIV.  I'm open to Down's Syndrome.  Drug Exposure.  Developmental Delays.  OF course baby cute-ness! :)  I just want to subtract one more orphan from the 147 million and follow what I believe has been God's lead.  My heart is in my throat as I ponder where to begin... again.  Maybe the phone call this weekend will put my fears to rest, but I'm guessing not.  Has God led me down this road to work with the homestudy agency I'm now with (not who I began asking, but the only one who would work with the "organization" I was with)???  What else does He have up His sleeve!? :)  Praying for guidance...


Eve said...

Hi Lisa,
I'm sorry that the email has worried you. I do hope that it's just a precautionary matter and not a complete no-go.

I'm sorry that I don't have any of the information you need right now, but I'll include you in my prayers tonight. All the best, Eve

radmama said...

Goodness, sounds like domestic might be the way to go again. If you don't want to deal with the system again (though as you know that's basically free, and there are a ton of waiting kiddos with special needs), you could also go the private, domestic, special needs route. These options would definitely minimize your travel expense and time; and since you've already adopted here, might you get away with just a quick update?

just a thought from another prayin' mama, always trying to raise up the orphans here at home :-)
mama to E, J, S, N and our newest addition Z (who has CHARGE syndrome, and who we can't wait to bring home from out of state)

Lisa said...

I'd still have to do a new homestudy as mine is foster... my agency says it's not a Homestudy per se??? I have looked into domestic Downs Syndrome some and others. I've done the whole contact-a-million-caseworkers-regarding-kids-on-listings and they NEVER have panned out. I really feel we are being led to younger also which are typically adopted by foster parents. And there are NO foster placements, though hopefully that's a good thing. I haven't had one in a year. Still praying!

annieglan said...

I was in this spot. I really thought 100% Ethiopia. But doors kept shutting and others opened. There is a reason this is happening. And from everything I read, you should try to stick with an established country that does a lot of international adoptions for this same reason. Programs close and change rules all the time. :(


Those are the only two that I know of with a stable program. You MAY be able to get in with Korea special needs.

But again, domestic may be the way to go. Do you look at ?


I saw your posting on the Congo group. We are bringing home two kids through Reece's Rainbow. Milana is HIV+, and Victor has spina bifida. I urge you to check them out! Some programs, like Taiwain, are one trip of 7 days, about $15k. It's primarily a Down Syndrome advocacy website, but we found our kiddos on there. Also, you can apply for special needs grants (we just got approved for one for $5K!!! YAY!!!!!), and they help with fundraising some also.

Just a thought!

Hang in there! We were in the Ethiopia program, now with changes there.... We fell in love with our kids, and it's so meant to be! Kids in Ukraine are sent to mental institutions usually by 5, and they are NEVER allowed to be adopted after they are sent... At least in America, they have a chance... My hubby has spina bifida, and his brother has Down's Syndrome, yet they've been blessed with medical care and wonderful lives here!!

Kari :)

Grace H. said...

I never ever leave comments on blogs but had to on this one!

Uganda accepts single women and will adopt out either gender. The law states you must foster the child in Uganda for three years before you can adopt BUT acceptions ARE made for medical reasons. You can work directly with a Ugandan lawyer and no agency is involved.

The only drawback with Uganda is it could take anywhere from four to six to eight weeks from the time you have your court hearing, till the ruling and the US visa is issued. But it's a thought!

I personally know of one little two year old(ish) boy at the babies home where I adopted my son, who most likely has FAS and really needs to be adopted. He hasn't been diagnosed with it, although with his case history and some of his features, I strongly suspect he has it.

Lisa said...

Thanks so much for all of your comments! India I've looked into but it seems like such a long process? I will be checkng into it again though!
I have in the past looked at adoptuskids a LOT but never heard back from workers or the kids were already matched or heard from them then never again. It's just too crazy! :(
I look at RRainbow all the time. :) I emailed yesterday the person who works with domestic Downs situations and am going to talk with her soon.
Grace H. do you know what the travel is for Uganda? that's one I was going to look for more info on??? Thanks!
We'll see...

BrandiM27 said...

I know that some countries allow escorts so that the parent(s) don't have to travel. When I was looking into International adoption this was a must for me because I'm a single parent and cannot travel. Check out Americans for African Adoptions (I found their fees to be less than others).


Uganda is typically a 4-6 week travel period, but with some visa problems in the country, one mom finally returned to the US last week after FOUR months there! We looked into it, and although I COULD stay there for 4-6 weeks (like I am with Ukraine), the whole visa fiasco right now just made us too nervous. Maybe things will be rewritten and changed in the future...

Hang in there!!!! :)

Katie said...

I'm in process with said organization and saw the message saying that Congo has become more difficult and there is a higher chance of failed adoptions and delays. I don't know what to do. Every door I've opened has been shut leading me to think maybe I'm not going to be able to be a mom. I can't imagine getting a referral and falling in love and having the country close or something. Ugh, it's so hard to know what to do.

Lisa said...

Katie have you spoken with anyone yet? I'm speaking to the director tomorrow but some of the board still have hopes it seems like. Praying for us both.

Katie said...

I haven't heard anything personally yet. I check my email constantly waiting for the bad news. I don't have a good feeling about it at all. If the lawyer won't do yours then I'm guessing he won't do mine. It's also a matter of how much farther I'm willing to take the risk. The next step will cost $700 and it may be for nothing. I'm already at over $1200 now so I'm just waiting to see if anyone has reason to think I'll be able to get this done or not.

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I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!

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Little did I know that the road would be so rocky
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