Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Breaking Down Some Walls

Whew! I'm exhausted!!! I guess staying up to see Eclipse at 12:10 am will do that for you! It was great by the way!!! :)

Today we got up (took a few min to wake Davids, I felt so bad and if the other kids didn't know what this morning entailed and were looking forward to it so much I may have let him sleep and sleep!) and then shortly after headed out to go to our Wednesday morning summer dollar movie. This is the one Olivia has been waiting for... her second chance to see Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

A while back when this was coming out I had told Olivia that if she read the book (all 350+ pages) I would take her to see the movie. She read it, loved it, and is now on the third one in the series!

Our theater gives free refills on popcorn and pop - hello, this should be required everywhere!!! - and the kids loved all the food!

Afterwards, we met up with two families who are good friends for a few hours of fun and picnic time at a local park...

Davids had a great time playing soccer...

All the kids loved climbing around near an outdoor concert place with these cool cliff like walls and rocks to climb on! I would love to bring the kids here to get some family photos done! The light and scenery were great!

Here's Liam doing a pirate song and dance "on stage!"

Davids really got along well with my friend's 13? year old son! And although he's two years YOUNGER, he's a good head taller than Davids! They had a blast though and hopefully will get to spend more time together before we leave for Florida July 15th.

After the park we went to get Davids' hair cut. I was hoping to "de-mullet" him and cut the back short, but he would have none of it. Oh, he wanted his hair cut... but just the sides! Sorry, I'm all about expression, but I just could NOT let him cut the sides and leave the top and back long, couldn't do it. So I had to finally tell him after trying to show him pics to make sure he understood what we were talking about, either cut all the back, or let's just go. He wasn't very happy with me, which began a little bit of a meltdown in this area. :)

Remember, we were both tired, are both tired, from being up late last night. I'm sure that played a part. But I think too that he's been here a couple days now, it's more real, he's missing the "known", etc. Maybe anyone who's adopted older kids can help me out here, but I'm guessing this is pretty typical? Especially someone who's from an orphanage?

Tonight at dinner he came in with a sour expression, again, about the food I had prepared. I've already explained to him repeatedly that I won't make him eat something and will fix him something else, if he doesn't like what we're having; I've done this a couple times now even; but he has to TRY what we're having. He's also found many things he DOES like after trying them such as corn dogs, grapes, cheeseburgers, etc. So tonight, again with the look and words of not liking, etc. I stopped him to re-explain that I just want him to try it, but that it would be nice if he wouldn't automatically act the way he was. Especially as my four year old is IDOLIZING him and doing whatever he does or doesn't do. He refused to even look at me, tried to walk around me twice to which I simply asked him to wait and just listen. I was not mad, but was simply trying to explain. He then balled his hands into fists. I asked him to go upstairs to calm down and said I'd come talk to him in a minute.

I wondered how things went so quickly downhill but he wasn't outright mad, I think he was just really frustrated. I went up a little later and he was basically hiding under the bed. I wondered what in the world could have made him so upset over something so insignificant. I patiently waited and asked him to come out. He finally did and the dialog between us was hard. He was crying and I was trying to tell him I was not mad but that I had just wanted him to listen. He kept saying he was listening, his ears were open. But I was explaining that here, when we are listening, we stay in front of the person we're speaking to and look at them. If we walk away from them or make fists it is not nice. He was just so frustrated at trying to translate what he wanted to say with being as tired as I know he is. And as frustrated as he was, he was calm, not aggressive, not angry, just... well frustrated with himself and the situation and not understanding.

A couple times he said he was not perfect and didn't know things. I assured him I did not expect him to be perfect, but that I was simply explaining how we do things here since I know it is probably different. He said that he had been to one family of a friend of his and that "they rules not so strong." I tried to explain that every family has different rules and expectations and that it's just a lot to get used to. I think too he is a bit frustrated with the boys ALWAYS wanting to be with him, always touching things he is doing and building and working on, touching him, etc. He's just not used to it and it's so much to take in in a couple of days.

I have to say though that although it was a frustrating evening, I think he saw that no matter how he acts I'm not going to yell at him or hit him or do anything of that nature, I'm so wondering still at why the hiding under the bed, my heart just broke. I was simply calm and trying to explain things. I'm hoping that once he's had a good night's sleep and he sees that this doesn't impact my view of him tomorrow that those walls will continue to come crashing down and that he can see that every family has ups and downs. I know it's a huge learning process that he is just beginning. I only wish I had more experience in the teen dept! :)

I still think he's a great great boy and pray that his family is listening and praying and will come forward SOON!!!


Holly said...

I identify with this experience so much. It is very common for older children in orphanages to "talk" about what life is supposedly like in America. This talk is spoken like there is some authority but it is just mere speculation child will say that they KNOW and the others just believe..but him saying that he heard another family had rules that were "not so strong"...very typical...I heard that so often in our home too. One- it is possible that he was told that America is a land filled with milk and honey so to speak and the families all go to Disneyworld (okay yours actually DOES!) and eat icecream every day and there are no rules. It is very unrealistic. One of the reasons that some hosting agencies request that host families NOT take a child to Disney, that if they are adopted, they will not have such high expectations of what day to day family life is like.
It is frustrating with the language barrier, the exhaustion but also...some of it is lack of maturity and expectations..these kiddos literally have NO concept of what family is supposed to look like and sometimes they balk at rules b/c they are used to getting away without being noticed in a big orphanage. Okay, sorry for the book. I'm sure things will get better.

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About Me

I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!

Olivia - 14

Olivia - 14

Braeden - 11

Braeden - 11

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