I read a number of foster and adoptive blogs which I LOVE. Many of these are larger families, which is so interesting and exciting to me. I long to build my family. I love adding children who desperately need homes and giving them a solid foundation and somewhat "normal" life that they may not have had otherwise. I love seeing the people that each child is turning out to be. I love them.

It always surprised me when I read some of these blogs and heard from them some of the negative reponses they have received from people, including church families. I have started getting some of this myself, at only 4 children. I do understand where people are coming from. Yes, I only have a certain number of sick days with my job and unfortunately usually go beyond these. Yes, using so many days due to sick kids does impact the kids I am supposed to be teaching at school. I leave good lesson plans (I think anyway) but they struggle with change and structure and it's hard when I'm not there. And yes, maybe each of my kids isn't getting the attention they would in a smaller family size.

BUT, I love my kids. I love seeing them grow into caring brothers and sisters. Even to siblings who haven't been with us long and may not continue to be with us for whatever reason. I love helping kids who have been through a lot in their short lives to have a childhood that may have been lacking prior to coming to our home. I feel called to these children. It states in the Bible that we are to care for widows and orphans. I don't know any widows. But there are plenty of orphans I can help.

Do I wish I had a husband to help with support and discipline and finances and sick days, maybe. Do I wish I had family close by who could help if needed, sometimes. Do I wish I hadn't taken on so many kids, never. I believe God has brought each and every child that has passed through my door for a reason. I may never fully understand why, but these children were meant to be a part of my life. They have taught me more than I have taught them. They are my children. Olivia and Braeden and Liam are mine same as if I'd given birth, and those who haven't been through adoption or foster care maybe can't fully understand that. To suggest that maybe I need to let one of them go live somewhere else to focus on the children I do have is like saying I need to cut off an arm to focus on my legs. Girlie I love so very much but am still at the point of figuring out if she may do better somewhere else. I can't explain it. She was one who seemed like maybe she would be going home, mom was doing real well, but now she may not be going home. I have prayed for that decision and am still at a crossroads.

I've also been praying for an answer to the question of whether or not I should try to search out a work-from-home situation. Maybe that would help and would allow me to be home more for my kids, which I would love. But to give up a secure job with health and retirement, etc, is that what I am called to do??? I just don't know. A lot of prayer in these things lately. Money is becoming not a problem and I love that. Taking extra sick days isn't such an issue of money anymore, which is so freeing. But I know that stopping my number of kids isn't what I am meant to do. I know that. And it makes it so much harder to feel like you are losing some of your support because you choose to help children.

Does that make sense?