Monday, February 11, 2008


Girlie has had a lot of issues in her short little life. She's really been through a lot prior to coming to live with us. Since being here we've seen quite a bit from her, showing us a glimpse of what she's gone through. This weekend was no exception. Friday she went to her first visit with her 17 year old brother, who lives in a residential setting, whom she's never even met. He lives about an hour south of us. At her last ACR, the reviewer stated that since they were both in care they needed to do visits. I understand the theory, but she's never met him and most likely will never be a part of his life, even if she does return home. Not to mention that when I tried to get Olivia visits that she should have been having with her brother, whom she did know and love and live with, nothing was done. Anyway, off of my soapbox. This was the first visit, going there, and with our new caseworker whom she's only met once or twice herself.

Upon returning to day care, our usual provider was gone and her "sub" was there. Girlie has been with her before, but not often. All this was perhaps too much for her. She refused to nap, hit the sitter, and was just mean. Saturday with our sitter, whom she has been with many times, she scratched Liam's face, pulled the sitter's hair, told her to shut up, etc. Sunday, she even hit the other kids a few times during the day with me there. She is usually pretty good when I'm around. I'm hoping though that all this was just because of the uncertainty of Friday.

Because... my fear is that she has RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder. RAD is not good. It is very difficult to parent children who have this. Our friend/Girlie's day care provider who has both adoptive and biological children, has a child with RAD. He is great with her and around her, but she was unable to send him anywhere without her when he was young, and he still has issues at school and other areas. He's now 11. Many adoptions are disrupted when children end up having RAD. My friend is currently in the works to adopt a 7 year old girl from another adoption situation where they are readopting her due to her RAD. It is hard to parent a child who does not give back and has some potentially major behaviors.

So, I have calls out to our (new) cw and the agency's therapist. Just to get ideas, info, etc. If she does indeed have RAD, I have a huge decision to make. It really looks like she may not be going home. I love her to death, but I don't know that I can parent a child with RAD. As she gets older it can manifest itself it many ways, is that best for the rest of my children, or me? And who knows, Liam or any other child could end up developing similar issues. You just do not know what these children have been through and what that will mean long term. There are children adopted at birth who end up with RAD, because they were not cared for prenatally. Not enough nutrition, etc. It has nothing to do with current home/environment/love given. All the love in the world does not "cure" RAD. I just don't know what to do...


Julie said...

My heart and prayers go out to you- this is very hard to think about- poor girlie- I pray she gets through this- I hope is it not rad!!! She probably does need some counseling. I hope you can get that!! And do make sure the agency and everyone knows how the weekend went after the visit- ugh!

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About Me

I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!

Olivia - 14

Olivia - 14

Braeden - 11

Braeden - 11

Liam - 9

Liam - 9

Macy - 5

Macy - 5

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Little did I know that my heart, so large, could grow

Little did I know that a dream has it’s own timing
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Little did I know that they would choose to call me mom

But God knew all along and He had a plan to follow
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God knew all along that we five should be together
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