Friday, January 30, 2009

Blog Questions

Jessica has asked me a question which I'm going to answer in just a sec. Before I do, though, questions are a great idea - if you have a question for me, please feel free to ASK AWAY!!! :) Let's see what kind of questions we get! :)

Here's what Jessica asked: I was wondering how Brayden and Olivia do with Liam having visits with his bio mom. How do you handle that with them. I may have forgotten but I don't believe they have contact with bio parents.

You're right, they don't have contact with bio parents.

For Braeden, he doesn't know his bio parents at all. I got him so young (3 days!!!) that he had visits, but doesn't remember them. For his situation it was unfortunately not safe for us to keep up a relationship. I never even met or saw them actually. From day one I was told not to and for many reasons I can't go into, it was for safety of both Braeden and myself. Braeden is curious. He asks my parents if they knew his dad. And wonders about them. He says he misses them. We talk about them from time to time. But he doesn't truly understand, yet. AND, he doesn't yet know of Liam's visits with him bio mom. That will definately be something we talk about before he joins us on a visit. I'll think he'll be ok.

For Liam's first visit, I took him alone. That way his mom and he and I had time together. She did come with her boyfriend, but that was fine. :) Then this time I brought Olivia who did real well. I had talked to her a little today prior to going. She's one I can't talk to about many things much ahead of time. It's hard to explain but if she may have a hard time with something, she might sabotage it in a way, if it's something exciting she often doesn't sleep well and is miserable, it's just much easier to wait. So we processed some before, and then some after.

With Olivia, I had hoped to have a similar relationship with her birth mom as I'm trying to have with Liam's. Unfortunately, at her next visit the caseworker was going to ask about us sitting down to meet, and it was at that very week that she dropped out of sight. That was in January of 2006. We later found out, in August, that she had had a baby. One week prior to her rights being terminated with regards to Olivia. That's why she dropped out of the picture and unfortunately doesn't have contact with Olivia today. She wanted to hide the fact she was expecting from the state. She did, and yet when they found out, they did nothing. As far as I know, unless she has moved away, that little girl is now 2 1/2 and living with mom.

For her it's complicated. She doesn't really remember her birth mom much. She had moved in with an aunt at 18 months of age. Although she had visits and sort of remembers who her birth mom is, she really remembers her aunt. I continually answer questions or rephrase something she says because she gets it mixed up often and thinks her aunt was/is her bio mom. She doesn't miss her much. It was not a great place, which is why she was moved to my home.

What Olivia does have a hard time with is missing her brother. He lived with us for a short time but had SUCH a hard time behaviorally and emotionally he was eventually moved. She misses him like crazy and that bond is what she rages over at times. What she is often confused about. What she wants "fixed." We occasionally revisit the same conversation over and over. She doesn't understand that I can't just get in the car with her and drive her to him. His parents have not shown that they want to continue a relationship. It is so hard to explain to her, because I don't get it myself. It kills me. And it is so hard for her.

So while she did well today and I explain the best and as honestly as I can, she will have a hard time. I'm waiting to see what the next couple days will bring and whether or not she'll join us the next time. Tonight was little silly things from her that were starting to drive me nuts. Questions about where to put her spelling list (umm... the same place it's gone since the beginning of the year!) etc. :) Not fun when it's quite a few in a row. :( But the next two days will be the test.

So, that's where we're at right now. I know this went into a much longer answer than you probably wanted!!! Sorry!!! Hopefully it got to some of what you were looking for? And we play it by ear as we go along! :)

OK, so what other questions do people have???


Shea said...

Did Olivia's newest sibling have hiv, or did the mom takes meds during her pregnancy? I have yet to find anyone that child tested positive on the meds. I'm just curious.

Wow - I love that we can all share information like. Obviously the ideal would be to have friends IRL that you could meet with. But the adoption world isn't quite that prevalent everywhere. So this is the next best thing. I pray that as we all share our experiences others are less afraid to jump in and give love and hope to children who are left behind.

Lisa said...

Me too!!! :)

Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire yet??? Oh Anne, as sad and heartbreaking as it is to watch, you HAVE to see it! It is so good. I'm glad to finally see things portraying what reality is like for children in some parts of our crazy world. :)

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About Me

I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!

Olivia - 14

Olivia - 14

Braeden - 11

Braeden - 11

Liam - 9

Liam - 9

Macy - 5

Macy - 5

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What you should know about HIV

-HIV can NOT be spread through casual/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging, kissing, shaking hands, sharing toys, sneezing, coughing, sharing food, sharing drinks, bathing, swimming or any other casual way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles). - HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives. - People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do. Additional information on transmission of HIV can be found on the Center for Disease Control website:

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Orphan Crisis

• 147 million orphans in the world
• 50 million orphans in Africa 
• Every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS
• 16,000,000 have been orphaned by AIDS
• Every week, AIDS claims as many lives as American fatalities in the Vietnam War
• 854 million people do not have enough to eat
• Malnutrition is associated with the deaths of 5 million children under the age of five
• Every 2 seconds an orphan dies from malnutrition

Hence the title of my blog

Little Did I Know

Little did I know that the road would be so rocky
Little did I know that the trip would take so long
Little did I know that my heart could hurt so much
Little did I know that God is never wrong

Little did I know that love could be so powerful
Little did I know that a dream so far could go
Little did I know that God would place the right ones
Little did I know that my heart, so large, could grow

Little did I know that a dream has it’s own timing
Little did I know that this day would finally come
Little did I know that four souls would be sent to guide me
Little did I know that they would choose to call me mom

But God knew all along and He had a plan to follow
God knew all along that my dream would soon come true
God knew all along that we five should be together
God knew all along that I’d share it all with you