I'm really rethinking the therapist Olivia is scheduled to see, and we haven't even gone there yet. My friend J and I had another foster parent training today, with the same RAD specialist as two weeks ago. She spoke today for a while on a child's issues with being controlling and bossy to others!!! Hmmm... In addition, I didn't realize that she contracts through our adopt unit to provide services locally for children with attachment issues!!! I talked to her a little today about who we are going to and she didn't say much but did say that that person will use a psychological approach as that is what she knows. She went on to say later that if we're unhappy to contact her.

J and I ordered FOUR different books on attachment, especially pertaining to children from foster and adoptive backgrounds and we received them this week. We both began a different book today and have been on the phone a few times already tonight sharing things we've read. I LOVE the one I'm starting with... Parenting Other People's Children by John L. Stoller. I've only read the Preface and Introduction so far and SO EXCITED to continue the book. The book came about as he researched ways to teach his foster son's teachers about RAD.

Sections I've LOVED so far...

"The ability to trust or mistrust as appropriate is a survival technique. The RAD child learns to mistrust his caregiver as a survival technique, and this negative lesson learned at an early age becomes deeply entrenched in his emotional core. Once learned, it is very difficult to unlearn. It is very difficult to retrain a child to trust. It takes years of quality parenting to rebuild the lost trust."

"The psychological community... is poorly trained in RAD... has little experience in identifying RAD and has not reached a general consensus on what constitutes a RAD diagnosis... in general does not understand the relationship between the early pathogenic care the child received and the child's symptoms... has not developed generally accepted treatments specific for RAD."

"The few experts who are successfully treating RAD all seem to agree that the parent must be present at therapy sessions. Along with the idea that developing the relationship between the parent and the child is more important than developing a relationship between the therapist and the child (after all, that is the attachment relationship in RAD that has never formed and needs to form now), having the parent present keeps the child from lying to and conning the therapist."

Yes, that all makes so much sense!!! And while I do not think Olivia has RAD, that term is usually reserved for the most severely affected children, John Stoller argues that a more appropriate term is Trust Disorder, stating that unformed attachments come about from a lack of trust to begin with, and states that this covers a wider "spectrum." I believe more and more that Olivia falls into this category. And I want to be a part of her therapy. My guess is that that is NOT how the person we are seeing on Oct 21 treats patients.

I'm seeing more and more of her behavior in a new light with these books. It's quite eye opening. Everything from how she was stiff as a board when picked up and hugged as a child, and still not truly comfortable with hugs now, bedwetting (J's book says angry children often "pee out their anger", being controlling/bossy toward others, manipulation that mostly the prime caretaker alone sees and understands, charming to "outsiders," lying, stealing, whining (but not just typical whining), saying I don't know when asked why? - they truly don't know as these connections just aren't there, and I could go on...

And as for the therapist, I don't think she is going to be what Olivia needs. I'm going to honor our first appt, and ask some hard questions, and then most likely switch to our RAD specialist. I want help with attachment issues and I don't think that's what I'm going to get. But I'm glad I'm finding things out now and not later.

A very good training again today, and some great books that we've found!!!