I'm really getting a lot out of reading the book on Attachment Disorders that I'm on currently, Parenting Other People's Children. It's been a bit hard to get into as the author is restating Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Bowlby's Attachment theories, and then reorganizing them together to identify "his" trust disorder paradigm. But, it makes a LOT of sense and really showcases "our" kids and the issues they have and why.

I came across another of Olivia's "issues" last night while I was reading. A lot of these things I just don't think about as being from a "cause", I just get frustrated or have no idea why she thinks or feels that way. It is all coming together now! A lot of what this author is saying relates back to the need level everyone has for safety and security. That is the second need level that infants piece together naturally. The first is having their physiological needs met (food, sleep, etc.). Safety and Security can be UNmet when a child/infant is consistently not getting their needs met. They don't learn to trust that their needs will be met. Most of "our kids'" issues can be attributed back to this. They still need the level of safety and security met. Just because they are safe NOW, doesn't transfer for them, because they weren't safe and secure for so long that this is not an easy fix and they are constantly reacting out of fear.

On to Olivia and my newest insight. Olivia often, if we have a day where our meals are a little different (for example we have a snack at breakfast time, a huge brunch, and then will eat an early dinner) will constantly ask about the perceived "missing" meal, in this example lunch. When is lunch? Did we miss lunch? Why aren't we eating lunch? This obviously doesn't happen often, but when it does it drives me nuts. Same when we went to my Grandma's surprise party recently. We ate donuts on the way out of town, stopped for lunch on our drive there, and then ate dinner at the party. Well, the party was from 2-5 pm, so "dinner" was eaten around 2:40-4 or so. We ate tons, then went to my aunt and uncle's, and then swimming at the hotel. She constantly was asking about dinner. Did we miss dinner? Were we going to eat dinner?

Now, these aren't saying that if Olivia was hungry we wouldn't feed her, we had snacks, etc but she was so put off by not having, in her mind, that meal. It all goes back to her feeling unsafe or insecure about not eating and not getting the food she needs. Wow! Even though she wasn't actually hungry in these times, she "missed a meal" in her mind, and was feeling extremely insecure about this. Duh! Why didn't I ever connect that before? I will try to be extra cautious in this area in the future and make sure if we have meals a little differently one day, that she has some snacks out she knows about and can eat if she feels the need. (Healthy snacks of course!) :)