OK, taking a break from Christmas ideas today! :)

A few things to update you on. First, my etsy shop is finally up and running! You can find me here:

The money made from this shop will be helping with the downpayment on (hopefully) a new house come spring/summer, and then building up an adoption fund! :) I've had a lot of joy becoming creative once again!

Second, Braeden has been talking to "Daddy" a lot lately. The first time I heard him say it, I thought, Oh goodness, he's made up an invisible dad because he wants one, what am I to do!? But, I quietly asked him who he was talking to, and do you know what he said? God! God is my Father, mom, he said, and I call him Daddy sometimes. Oh, break my heart! :) So cute! Tonight I called him Picasso because he was drawing these amazing animals, better than I could! :) I explained who he was, and he asked, of all things, what color skin he had. I said I wasn't sure (though I pretty much was) and he turned his face upward and said, "Daddy, what color skin was Picasso? Ok, Peach? Ok, thanks" Hilarious! :)

Third, today at school Olivia's name was announced as the pull-up "champ" of the school along with some others for other physical efforts! :) She was so proud! She has huge arm muscles! :) I don't think I could do one!

And finally, we received a wonderful surprise in our mailbox on Saturday! Olivia received a letter from her bio brother! To remind/fill you in on the situation, J lived with us when Olivia and he first moved in as foster children. A month later, bio mom showed up again after being absent for about a year. This was VERY hard for him, and he acted out behaviorally in ways that were very difficult with a 13 month old, a 3 year old, and a single full-time working mom. It got to be just too much and I had to make the very painful decision that my home was not the best placement for him. I left it up to the agency as to keep Olivia where she was, as she was doing so well, or move her as well. You know the outcome. Her decision, made with her counselor, was also to remain here, though she was so young at the time.

His letter arrived Sat completely out of the blue. I opened it while she napped. And then "prepped" her before I gave it to her. I really debated giving it for a minute. Not because I didn't want to, every fiber in my being screamed to give her the joy of knowing he was ok, of seeing his picture which was included, of reading his words to her. BUT, I worry so much that this is setting her up for disappointment again. I fear the repercussions. BUT, it's not in my hands and I can't do that to her.

I am praying that this is the beginning of a renewal of communication. I have a feeling he bugged his parents enough that they relented and allowed his contact. I don't know. I do know that we saw some major behaviors tonight. Over "nothing", but then spiraling out of control. I was yelled at, I was told it wasn't a life to be bossed around all the time and that the other kids at school weren't bossed around (I'd like to talk to their parents! I doubt that one! :) ) , I was asked why she had no "life" when her friends had phones and had fun all the time and she didn't. (I wanted to scream, REALLY!? Really, you mean going on vacation a couple times a year, and going to plays and shows and movies, and the zoo like so many never do, and having an IPod shuffle, and a Didj, and.... but I didn't. See mom can get worked up too in the midst! We did talk about this later after we were both calm though! :) )

But after I allowed her (and myself) to calm down - I talked to her. She's frustrated she doesn't spend time with us because she's always doing homework. I feel the same. She does homework almost all the time, how do you change that???? I don't know. I'm a teacher too so I know it's important and want her to do her best, BUT she doesn't spend much time with us because of it. It takes her a while, and she has a lot, in third grade! BUT, I also know that she is missing her brother, and it's been brought up again through his letter. She broke down finally while talking and said as much. I break for her. I don't know how to help, just to talk and be there. Is it enough??????? I wonder sometimes. I fear sometimes it's not. We shared a lot tonight and started down a good path. I hope it continues. I pray for her and her brother.

Whew! See, now you're wishing for those Christmas ideas again aren't you!? Sorry, a little honesty, a rough night, a girl in need of prayer! :) Ok, maybe two girls in need of prayer! :)