My heart is broken tonight.

I received "the call" today. If you are a foster parent, you know the call of which I speak. A placement call. Two little girls in need of a home. About to be moved, right before the holidays, from the home they've been living in. A 6 year old and her 3 month old sister.

I wanted to say yes. I wanted to scream it into the phone and get out the right sized clothes and Christmas shop and and and... I couldn't. I knew in my heart of hearts it wasn't the right placement for us. A 6 year old girl is just too close in age to Olivia. I think she would have some huge issues with it. She rarely allows the boys in her room at all. She has such a hard time sharing her things and space, I don't think she could share her room with someone so close in age. Maybe the baby, but not the 6 year old.

I did ask Olivia, because I was curious what she would say. She grinned and shouted Yes! But, when I asked her to really listen to me and explained that her room would no longer be her room, that she would have to share it and it would be both of theirs, she got pretty serious all of a sudden. And said no. I'm glad she understood what it meant and what it would be like. I'm glad she was able to really think about how it would work. I'm glad she didn't just let the excitement of a "friend" cloud her.

She was sad when I told her about the baby. She loves babies and loves playing with them and loves helping with them. Then she said that she was glad the agency had at least thought of us to be her family and that we would have been a good family for her. That we would have loved her. That melted my heart. She has such good intentions and understanding of what it's like to be in this situation.

My heart is broken over these two little lives. I pray God is with them during this difficult time. I pray He places them in just the right home for them. I pray He helps my guilty heart.