* Court -
Liam's court date for the final part of his termination will be on Tuesday. I am extremely nervous. I have to testify with the bio dad in the courtroom. They will ask me questions about my relationship with Liam, etc. I am nervous because bio dad has a violent history and although he will be in jail for a while, he's never seen me and doesn't know my name. Now he will know what I look like and will know my name. I've asked that my last name is not given, but things like that "slip" through all the time.

I just have to keep reminding myself that God is my Supreme Protector. I hope that dad will see me as someone who truly loves his son and will take good care of him. I hope that he will understand that I am not someone to be mad at and that he will choose not to appeal the termination but will let it go through. I pray that His will be done......

* Mom's night out this week with my weekly sitter was a true mom's night out. I ran some much needed errands. Olivia had spent Sat and Mon the weekend prior with me one on one, and Braeden was the Thursday before, so this was my time.

Next week is the release of High School Musical 3. Big news in our house! :) I had told the olders that I would take them when it came out and they've been bugging me as to when it was. Braeden had had rough days at day care on Wed and Thurs, and I had been "paying" for giving Olivia all the one on one and fun times from Monday especially. (If you don't understand that, spend some time with kids with attachment/trust issues. - it's almost like it was so fun and special, that she had to go into self protection mode to control her situation, walls back up, negative acting out, etc.)

So, I had explained to Braeden (mostly for his benefit with the behaviors from day care) and Olivia that this was the last night with a sitter before we would go to see HSM 3. I hoped they would have GREAT behavior and no major problems this ONE night and that if there were any big issues, then I would have to take someone else to the movie with me. Why did I even say it???? Why didn't someone jump out of the sky, land on me, and stop the very breath before it left my lips??? Where were all of you!? Braeden was an angel. He did fall and hit his head on concrete however, which led me to come home a little earlier than usual. Usually I get home a little after bedtime. That night I pulled in right as they were about to go to bed. Through the big front window I see Olivia stare at me with huge eyes like saucers, practically jump off the couch, and go toward her room. IN HER UNDERWEAR!!!!!!! This is one of a few HUGE rules in our home. Mostly because we do have many foster children. Not knowing a child's history, some of the issues we've had with even Olivia, we don't walk around in underwear! Plus a sitter was there, not even family! And she was sitting with the sitter and the boys on the couch for a story - in her unders! A HUGE no no. Which she knew. Which is why she practically ran from the room. Which she didn't think I'd be home to see. Then, I checked over her homework, she completely rushed it and wrote extremely sloppily which we have worked on since the beginning of the school year. Which she didn't think I would check for some reason, even though I always do? Then, the ONE job she had to do that evening, wasn't even done. Unbelievable. I should have never said that about the movie. But she took the choice out of my hands.

WHICH was the next chapter of the book I'm reading about attachment and got to last night!!! Why didn't I read that a week ago??? He specifically said that parents of children with attachment issues should never let the child know ahead of time what a consequence or reward for something would be, because they would inevitably choose that in order to be the one in control. If they do or don't do what was asked, then they allowed you to be in control, but if they don't and take the consequence, they were in control and chose the outcome. Even if that's not what they would actually WANT, the need for control weighs heavier. Makes a lot of sense, but it will take a big change for me. And now she can't go to HSM on Friday! :( I think what I've decided to do is to take Braeden and my friend J's daughter. Then without her knowing, I will take Olivia next week when the sitter comes, assuming she's had a decent week which I think she will. Especially if she doesn't know it's coming. Still I'm so bummed. I was extremely emotional at work the next day over this. I hate it.

* Gas - I LOVE that gas is finally under $3 again!!! Such a God send with the new van!

*Christmas - I'm almost all done with my shopping!!! I have to do it periodically over the year when I see great deals or I'd never be ready. :)

* Friday J and I went to a foster parent support group about an hour north of us. It was good. A little weird since there were a ton of people and no one really asking about us. They all knew each other. And at first they were asking what topics the group would like to have and began talking about nutritional meals, holiday stress, etc. and I thought "what???". I want to talk foster care, issues our children have, etc. If these people don't know how to put together a nutritional meal there is something wrong. :) But, then, someone started talking about issues with court, etc and someone said that that is what we need to be talking about and could we get GALs or judges or someone to come in to discuss and I thought "yes, that's great!". So hopefully, we're on our way to a solid group providing some help, support, etc. But I still think it's weird that they all knew each other and didn't ask us to intro ourselves at all. :)

I guess that's about all for now. I've been itching for a new foster placement. Call me nuts! :)