Do any of you have kids who become preoccupied with death at some point??? A few days ago Braeden and I were watching something, for the life of me I can't even remember what it was, maybe a Reading Rainbow?, when someone in the story died. It was an elderly person and Braeden almost immediately questioned the death. Of course we've seen things and read things before where someone passed away, but he'd never focused on that aspect before. When I explained that everything dies at sometime, and that that person had lived a long and good life and they were now with God, he just thought and processed this information before asking the inevitable, "Will Grandma and Grandpa die?" "Yes," I answered. And then, "Will YOU die?" "Yes, sometime, but I'm not planning on dying anytime soon," I promised. He was very contemplative and sad, "But I don't want any of you to die." I explained the best I could to a five year old who just didn't understand. We talked about God and Heaven and Jesus' death, but they are still quite abstract to him. And in the days that have followed, he's asked almost once a day or stated almost once a day, that he doesn't want me to die. I didn't hear about it today, so maybe it's a passing obsession, but I pray that his heart is calm, that he doesn't worry unnecessarily over this, that God gives him peace. Such a hard thing to understand. Hopefully it won't truly enter his reality for sometime to come.

Well, tonight I type partly one-handed as my left thumb from tip to wrist is in some pain. It's amazing really, how you can be going along, with the most mundane things on your mind... pick up Liam, then take Olivia to dance, go home with the boys to waste some time before picking her back up, dinner, bed, should be able to get some things done once they're in for the night... etc, and then the slightest thing can change in an instant.


For example, upon picking up your child at the home day care they attend, you could bump the door closed behind you, misreading the position of your hand, and slamming your hand/thumb in the handle/lock area of the door. Oh, yeah, that would be me. A silly, ridiculous, uncommon, mistake, but one that I'm definately paying for and is definately hurting. I'm really quite surprised it's not swollen and am lucky it's not worse than it is at this point, because at the time, let me tell you, I'm glad that there were a number of children watching my reaction or it would have been extra P. A. T. H. E. T. I. C. :) It hurt!


But isn't life just that way? We go along and out of nowhere, BAM! we're hit with it - life - like we never knew it could be, and never expected it to turn out.


This past week the husband of a teacher at my school was in a car accident. He is a police officer, was called in to a BOGUS call, which they didn't know was bogus at the time. He and his partner were riding along and BAM! their tire blew out and sent the car flipping multiple times. His partner walked away, completely fine. He is in ICU, and will remain in ICU for at least two more weeks, where at that point he will be released to a rehab facility for anywhere from two months to a YEAR. With his wife and 8 month old son at home. Life. Can change in an instant.


Do we really understand and appreciate this? I know I don't always. I know there are days when I'm somewhat happy to get the kids into bed, for just a little peace and quiet after what I consider to be a frustrating day. But, really??? Frustrations like bickering, talking back, acting up, not doing homework, throwing a tantrum??? Really??? At least I have my three. At least we are healthy. At least I have a job in this economy. At least we have each other.


And the days when I'm frustrated because Braeden's asking for the hundredth time to go out to eat and I'm biting back the words "We don't have the money to eat out every day", or when Olivia leaves her homework folder in her desk for the fifth time and acts like a fairy mysteriously shuffled it away when she wasn't looking, or when Liam is dumping toys out to cover his bedroom floor and I know I'm going to end up picking most of them up as I "supervise" him picking up... it's days like those I need to step back, read my Bible, remember my patience, and by happy for the mundane. Be happy for the silly niggling things that get under my skin. Because when LIFE hits, it's not always in a good way. When LIFE hits, it can be serious, and forever altering, and very very scary. I will appreciate the silly things. I will take time to remember that my sore thumb is NOTHING. It will get better. It will be a distant memory. A silly incident. Nothing more. I'm still here for my kids, and I choose to get past the frustrations and see the beauty.

Olivia's doctors called today. Her virus is yet again undetectable, must have been just a blip the last time they ran the tests. BUT, her neutrophil count was low three months ago and is low again, plus now her triglicerides (sp?) are up. Next time we go in they will do a fasting test on her tri... levels. The neutrophils they will "just watch." Lovely. If she gets sick at all we are to call. Looking up low neutrophil counts (neutropenia) is not fun, I shouldn't have even googled it. Mostly cancer patients, low immune levels, shouldn't be around groups, or people who are sick, etc. Yuck. I hope it changes soon. I want my healthy Olivia back. In addition, today and Sunday were quite rough for her. Rough like we haven't seen in quite a while. She's had a lot of homework, has been behind some in that, and hasn't had much extra time. Place on top of that being tired, maybe feeling run down from her lower levels????, and we've had some doozy fits. Luckily she has seen that she won't "win", that mom is calm and in control, and that she will have to get through it. But it's so not fun during! :) Praying for better health, better attitude, and better responsibility with her work. All in good time...