tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-238288432024-03-07T17:57:11.982-06:00Little Did I KnowI am a single mom to three amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted through foster care. We just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride! Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.comBlogger1529125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-54547039637808065942016-10-30T03:00:00.000-05:002016-10-31T06:51:09.112-05:00When Anxiety Rears its HeadSo many times I begin to take for granted our normal, smooth, everyday life. And then there are times that jump out and sucker punch you in the gut. That's what Saturday felt like.<br />
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This guy and I had a day to hang out together at Six Flags. The littles were home with a sitter (because Fright Fest is a bit much for them), Olivia had a friend with who would ride the big rides and go to the haunted houses with her, and Braeden and I got to just spend time. This was the last day we were going to be using our season passes, and since Braeden didn't want to ride anything except the carousel, we were people watching, going to the hypnotist, and seeing a musical show. We used our dining plan for food and it was a great day.</div>
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But the park gets scary after 6, people dressed in costumes show no mercy no matter your age and he was scared when we came a few weeks ago. So we decided to leave the park before 6. Originally we were going to just sit in the car and watch a movie, but he wanted to spend the allowance he had just gotten. So I let him talk me into going down the road to the huge outlet mall. Mistake.</div>
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I'm not sure what triggered him: the size, the people, the excitement of the stores there, or a combination of many, but within five minutes his demeanor and our day went from smiling and happy to growling and angry. The next two and a half hours were basically hell. It caught me so off guard. I kept trying different strategies to help him. He did not want to leave. But finally I did have to walk out ... And pray he followed. It took a while but he finally did.</div>
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We waited a while in the car before the girls were done. Putting a movie in began to help him come back down but even with them in the car on the way home it took about 30 minutes for him to somewhat even out. </div>
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Not long ago we went to see Braeden's doctor. He told us that if Braeden didn't already have the anxiety diagnosis he would probably diagnose him with ptsd instead as it paints a clearer picture. </div>
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I'd have to agree.</div>
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Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-23869293517539085672016-10-15T10:50:00.001-05:002016-10-15T11:09:09.737-05:00Being the GoodLiam learned a wonderful lesson today. There was even more to our story though that he had no idea of. <div><br></div><div>Today he and I went grocery shopping while the rest stayed home. We went to our local aldi*s because money is tight and my budget stretches far there. As we were checking out, I noticed a gentleman shopping in his electric wheelchair. He had a worn plastic bag on one arm of the chair and a well used backpack between his feet. He was utilizing his right arm to reach the needed groceries, maneuver his chair, and precariously balance his items in his lap, while his left arm stayed by his side unable to be used. Many shopped around him, either oblivious to or unwilling to acknowledge his need.</div><div><br></div><div>As we finished checking out, I asked Liam (already knowing his answer) if he'd like to go help the gentleman while I finished checking out and bagging our items. He was shy but happy to help. He asked and the man was glad for the assistance. Liam took one of our quarters to get a cart and unload the items from the man's lap into the cart. He then aided him in finding his last few things. After checking out we both helped him load up. I knew there was no car in the lot for him. He would be driving his chair back home, and there are no close residences to the store. I could only imagine how long it would take. In the spitting rain developing outside.</div><div><br></div><div>His items were not going to fit. In my cart we had one reusable bag left that we hadn't needed to use. Our largest one, Mickey front and center, which usually gets filled first and today just hadn't even been used. Only God.</div><div><br></div><div>We filled his plastic bag and our reusable bag. The gentleman protested saying the bag was ours but Liam spoke up and assured him we had plenty. I love that he'll be able to use it more than just today. I love that Liam had such a great experience helping others. </div><div><br></div><div>We need more good in the world. </div><div>We need to start truly 'seeing' one another.</div><div>It starts with us. One person at a time.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi341k3F9Te8rEhvUbwg8qyu9M4AY-oUNozc2ex4h-ho5_3mr8ZFS4E9Up0CfOxzpl92raL4vY0GRQIjcWywCM00wp0A-pow8dIVtuLLOsbEWOzAXu8BFum6wqlxAZpltAhzsC_Wg/s640/blogger-image--1027123295.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi341k3F9Te8rEhvUbwg8qyu9M4AY-oUNozc2ex4h-ho5_3mr8ZFS4E9Up0CfOxzpl92raL4vY0GRQIjcWywCM00wp0A-pow8dIVtuLLOsbEWOzAXu8BFum6wqlxAZpltAhzsC_Wg/s640/blogger-image--1027123295.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-11750899956630925852016-06-16T16:42:00.000-05:002016-06-16T22:37:44.541-05:00Summer!!It's finally summer! That time when I get to transition from full time teacher and mom to just full time mom. I love having time to sleep in, lounging through lazy days, catching up on organizing things around the house, and spending time with the kids and friends.<br />
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This year unlike others, the end snuck up on me. It came fast and hard both at school and at home. Usually I begin in April planning for the next school year: classroom layout, schedule, new ideas. I look at the students I'll potentially have, what worked this year, what didn't, how I can make it better. With all the issues this year with our state budget, local budget cuts and money saving 'ideas', personnel changes, etc, it was a tougher year than most. Before I knew it it was mid May. But I feel we have a great plan in place and some real positive changes that I'm excited to implement come August.</div>
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Each of the kids did so well this year!</div>
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Liam had a good year (in my classroom!) and learned and grew and flourished in ways I was privileged to be a spectator to. </div>
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Braeden and Olivia both had great years. Olivia struggled with having been on home bound so long from her illness in January, but she fought hard to come back strong. </div>
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And Braeden excelled again at the amazing school he's able to be a part of.</div>
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Macy grew like crazy. She has continued to amaze me with all she does. She made many friends, learned an incredible amount of 'kindergarten' skills as well as transitioning to English and just loves all she participates in.</div>
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Our family had a big year in many ways, with lots of ups and downs. Looking forward to just 'being' this summer. And excited to see what this next year brings!</div>
Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-23729047597257614162016-05-15T17:35:00.001-05:002016-05-15T18:50:19.367-05:00SiblingsYesterday was Olivia's biological brother's high school graduation. She hasn't seen him in years. We couldn't remember exactly how long it's been but we think at least 7 years. This was the most recent picture I could find...<br><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4ABRp6KmwdKGxRvudhiakiELV7TSqDYCLhbCFZgrWSAVCLV6M1kRHY6ALjL6MWsrZ8FTgpXgnSSfB87HqUO3IcW31_v0jF9uvWPwU1dKhPzaD68LDoWhWNWfh3I-uJkFOizVkHw/s640/blogger-image-1299507867.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4ABRp6KmwdKGxRvudhiakiELV7TSqDYCLhbCFZgrWSAVCLV6M1kRHY6ALjL6MWsrZ8FTgpXgnSSfB87HqUO3IcW31_v0jF9uvWPwU1dKhPzaD68LDoWhWNWfh3I-uJkFOizVkHw/s640/blogger-image-1299507867.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>We lost touch after that. Although we still had his address and phone number, I wasn't pushing her to keep up correspondence and she didn't feel like doing so. Not too long ago she was able to reconnect through texts and has been texting since. When he asked her to come to his graduation she was on the fence about what the best decision was. Was this the best way to do a first time meeting after so long? But in the end, with an amazing friend offering to watch the kids, she knew how important this day was for them both.</div><div><br></div><div>Olivia was extremely nervous and anxious, especially in the week leading up to the ceremony. She slept little and worried and wondered how it would all play out.</div><div><br></div><div>I think I was almost as anxious myself. A lot of big emotions playing into this trip and visit.</div><div><br></div><div>We both were pretty nauseous through the day but overall it went very well. She wasn't able to see him face to face until a while after the ceremony. He stalled coming to meet her because he was just as nervous. Although we weren't able to stay long, it was a good first visit. They look and act so much alike! 😊</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioSVxE8CunLOPrSooDVHZxOqupZPLjFDdOmMvBPpSOXnDu0qa3VZFMDKzYvtfXWEo-WqfCXGPJnLTZTQvWEpDyl4Jv_-K6qmh2L1bmMcWgxX9dnemYZV9S8SYQ7EFa3UpQ85YOrA/s640/blogger-image-1180169641.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioSVxE8CunLOPrSooDVHZxOqupZPLjFDdOmMvBPpSOXnDu0qa3VZFMDKzYvtfXWEo-WqfCXGPJnLTZTQvWEpDyl4Jv_-K6qmh2L1bmMcWgxX9dnemYZV9S8SYQ7EFa3UpQ85YOrA/s640/blogger-image-1180169641.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>After leaving I felt a tremendous release. I don't think I even realized how very much I was in a fog of nerves and anxiety myself over this past week. I felt buoyant and a million times lighter and re energized.</div><div><br></div><div>The ride home for Olivia was spent processing the day and cycling from nerves to relief to joy and then finally to a place of grief and sadness. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvLoB62C5Iqe1lOiRCx1gXeQYVm1C-wNrkyLR_FFed6aB5V2pwi3jjKPA5ISJo6hPqWH32gU4BEmT7wX5TLIf7osV147e01Df-a7Hmq1S8FVQz2GcvgVQP0ChGEcLs5sZiGHVvcg/s640/blogger-image-1843576371.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvLoB62C5Iqe1lOiRCx1gXeQYVm1C-wNrkyLR_FFed6aB5V2pwi3jjKPA5ISJo6hPqWH32gU4BEmT7wX5TLIf7osV147e01Df-a7Hmq1S8FVQz2GcvgVQP0ChGEcLs5sZiGHVvcg/s640/blogger-image-1843576371.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div><div>She misses him terribly and I suspect has pushed those feelings aside for so long, not wanting to subject herself to grieving repeatedly things that are out of her control. He was her caretaker. Her guardian. Her confidant. Her protector. The one constant, good part of her life in those early formative years.</div><div><br></div><div>And she will hopefully use this as a stepping stone to a new and strengthened relationship.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-92141573605016070822016-05-08T12:41:00.001-05:002016-05-08T12:41:29.584-05:00BlessedMother's Day is always a hard and bittersweet weekend. Big feelings for my kids who are reminded yet again that they are 'different.' Yes I am their mom. Yes they love me. But they have another mom too that I know they bring to mind especially on this day set aside for mothers. They wonder where she is, how she's doing, even who she is and what she likes. They feel torn in loyalty, though they shouldn't. They are afraid of upsetting me, though they don't need to worry. <div><br></div><div>And I think of these moms as well. Of the sacrifice, the loss, the grief they most likely feel. I know this can't be an easy day for them either. So much loss. So much heartache. All for a holiday that should be a celebration. An occasion to be happy and joyful, yet for so many these expectations fall short.</div><div><br></div><div>So this year I'm working on my focus. Trying to refocus on that celebration. On the ones that made me a mom. On the friends who support me and make me a better mom. And I'll guide my kids and their hard feelings through the mix of it all.</div><div><br></div><div>Happy Mother's Day to you, whatever your circumstance, no matter your situation.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-82387376256065102552016-04-21T19:33:00.001-05:002016-04-21T19:36:20.110-05:00When the hard leaves you without wordsI hear it's a full moon tomorrow. Maybe that explains my melancholy mood the past 48 hours or so. Or perhaps there are explanations of another sort. Either way, I despise being stuck in the mire, unsure of how to break the spell and climb back out.<br />
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Olivia has a biological sibling whom she hasn't seen in years and only began communicating with again the past few months. Watching her navigate this relationship and reacquaint herself with her sibling has been a mixture of emotions. I needn't worry, she's doing beautifully. </div>
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This past Sunday she was asked to come to this sibling's high school graduation. Unfortunately they live 2 1/2-3 hours from us depending on traffic. And because she hasn't seen them in so long she was thinking their first visit would be just with her and I (we've been discussing a visit halfway for a while now). But I'm a single parent, and that's over five hours of just driving, and it's not easy to leave all 3 of mine with anyone other than one certain sitter, especially for that long.</div>
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So we had some hard conversations where I was not liked very much nor understood. I explained that if our sitter could do it then yes I'd love her to go more than anything, but if not then we could still attempt to go, but we would have to take one of the boys with and try still to find someone to watch the other two. She was not happy. 😒</div>
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We asked our sitter immediately but I knew she was out of town and we most likely wouldn't hear back for a while. </div>
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Tuesday morning I heard from her. She wasn't able to sit for us. I had to break the news to Olivia. She then had to try to explain to her sibling who I know doesn't understand, and ask if they could possibly get us three tickets instead of two. I know how hard that may be. I know that's asking a lot. But I hate for her to not be able to go now that she's been asked and especially because her sibling had shared what an amazing accomplishment this is when there were times they didn't think they'd make it.</div>
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We still haven't heard if 3 is a possibility. But I just can't drop her off without knowing anyone to go to the ceremony alone. And I struggle with not being enough or doing enough.</div>
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Not a couple of hours later I received a speakerphone call from Braeden's teacher and school social worker. He had made some concerning comments at school and we had a pow wow (luckily they called when I actually had some time to talk) - over his intentions, their responses, how he handled it all, and the plan moving forward. And I again was struggling with not feeling like I was enough.</div>
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This same day I was messaging with a fellow adoptive mom who recently came home with their child. And she's struggling. And my heart goes out to her in so many ways because I've walked those trenches. And I have no perfect words. Just prayers. Is it enough?</div>
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And I struggle to pull myself up, and out, and back from the edge. And I pray. Because I know deep within that God is enough. I will never be enough. And that's ok.<br />
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Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-48327474525529508762016-04-17T19:44:00.001-05:002016-04-17T19:44:24.134-05:00Ten MonthsHard to believe it was ten months ago today that Olivia and I, barely over being dreadfully sick in Haiti at the tail end of our trip, made our way from Miami to Chicago and finally home as a family of five.<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKXrjORvh_mE3lpeLlOd1-WC-7Qjl88wwtvwZL5kLbEZCQzCd_KAb8mV7wLvVQ0mqbifWKO1oApo3UfF_-0gVpcOOPUC80vppfs2n55_ctKceqtgt_EqleUy4qqWRSSnX4ONQc7A/s640/blogger-image-989005617.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKXrjORvh_mE3lpeLlOd1-WC-7Qjl88wwtvwZL5kLbEZCQzCd_KAb8mV7wLvVQ0mqbifWKO1oApo3UfF_-0gVpcOOPUC80vppfs2n55_ctKceqtgt_EqleUy4qqWRSSnX4ONQc7A/s640/blogger-image-989005617.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div>It's been such a roller coaster since with highs and lows and times of just coasting along at breakneck speeds and slow lulls. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5BvsgHac-8kVEUUEyJFoh0ad6F5v2ZHwhr5E8O0tdR1FBzWn7mJdXJxvWn3afOUnzAaRGtC_QUuvQps6l-pxB4ztfRmCuovu9XpiIrRb5_MTYNKw4g4kGfjmc7mnF0pK_iPUNvw/s640/blogger-image-812074312.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5BvsgHac-8kVEUUEyJFoh0ad6F5v2ZHwhr5E8O0tdR1FBzWn7mJdXJxvWn3afOUnzAaRGtC_QUuvQps6l-pxB4ztfRmCuovu9XpiIrRb5_MTYNKw4g4kGfjmc7mnF0pK_iPUNvw/s640/blogger-image-812074312.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi949KpUAopp8GDvJyYg-n37Q8te0vYZCuJmSVYArP8ihIhWLYgoGX-qyTApBSwSPiEk3XT6-bmNrXPYo0oFCSoDXtXt5EhBTId-4CQoBUiQOgz2PU7sT5q9jF2FVcfiwCy5EkOjw/s640/blogger-image--1207156646.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi949KpUAopp8GDvJyYg-n37Q8te0vYZCuJmSVYArP8ihIhWLYgoGX-qyTApBSwSPiEk3XT6-bmNrXPYo0oFCSoDXtXt5EhBTId-4CQoBUiQOgz2PU7sT5q9jF2FVcfiwCy5EkOjw/s640/blogger-image--1207156646.jpg"></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div></div></div><div>My mind still has a hard time wrapping itself around the fact that she has fit so seamlessly into our lives. It's hard to remember a 'before'. Hard to determine which memories she was present for at times of reminiscing.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFRxT0zvsdEuf9oVba3-quOtxWZEwTeGUNaIWtp3NORxrYFd48n1fjOGQjDG4quwXuQ-ohSyrMNLMQi2lB55oNC9tUNo4Z6EBlO8OflaePmz4cDmGQUHLGiC25zJmetwxkydoFDA/s640/blogger-image-938076137.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFRxT0zvsdEuf9oVba3-quOtxWZEwTeGUNaIWtp3NORxrYFd48n1fjOGQjDG4quwXuQ-ohSyrMNLMQi2lB55oNC9tUNo4Z6EBlO8OflaePmz4cDmGQUHLGiC25zJmetwxkydoFDA/s640/blogger-image-938076137.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div><div>I'm so amazed by her. </div><div>By her resilience.</div><div>By her capacity for love, for attachment, for family.</div><div>She is going to be a world changer!!!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJNFcU_Mao41srSoEILORT8d_g153lnBo_VizevK5E-QEI8KpQnIM7Z5_TCc5XTL3C_qJXzdRteIisZ0Qkuh41rRxZJfQvywqpBYBunAMj4LWyKiITLNmUkpOeMAOTZVb0hyphenhyphenZdSA/s640/blogger-image-1065110889.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJNFcU_Mao41srSoEILORT8d_g153lnBo_VizevK5E-QEI8KpQnIM7Z5_TCc5XTL3C_qJXzdRteIisZ0Qkuh41rRxZJfQvywqpBYBunAMj4LWyKiITLNmUkpOeMAOTZVb0hyphenhyphenZdSA/s640/blogger-image-1065110889.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDeHdcGP9EXbcfmFgNzy3inRJAMhIOaxX5nkPZyd1-9wzhGyYkruUuluoIpZAVlnrGoBkFVp8ZyUoG4zeyltQs_wJ5uJTfqjWBa9ZwMkPmfMuF34S0EFi8ycpqP6VhMskrYG2XZQ/s640/blogger-image-1937140049.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDeHdcGP9EXbcfmFgNzy3inRJAMhIOaxX5nkPZyd1-9wzhGyYkruUuluoIpZAVlnrGoBkFVp8ZyUoG4zeyltQs_wJ5uJTfqjWBa9ZwMkPmfMuF34S0EFi8ycpqP6VhMskrYG2XZQ/s640/blogger-image-1937140049.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-34745902314442551892016-04-10T22:03:00.001-05:002016-04-10T22:06:06.571-05:00EtsyJIf you haven't heard of etsy, and I know there are some out there, you must check it out!!! Etsy is an amazing online marketplace where people create and sell almost anything you could dream up. From novice doll clothes makers to couture clothing creators, beaded bracelets to hand forged silver, rustic benches to amazing coffee tables, you can find it all.<div><br></div><div>Etsy is where I often turn for creative and unique pieces. It's where I purchased Macy's birthday shirt...</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB80sck3nV0s8KMgsWibt2gAw637pVSJDvmuMTxYni8QhlW8P8IIBq6TEQrbisCKo-4Ilpx2lKNNuB5uMQzFwEF9arFqKdQNuPmCQ4Yxoju6bbhj4eiUhaYlFya30ORaKBxGFEkQ/s640/blogger-image--871854740.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB80sck3nV0s8KMgsWibt2gAw637pVSJDvmuMTxYni8QhlW8P8IIBq6TEQrbisCKo-4Ilpx2lKNNuB5uMQzFwEF9arFqKdQNuPmCQ4Yxoju6bbhj4eiUhaYlFya30ORaKBxGFEkQ/s640/blogger-image--871854740.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And also where I splurged on her wire name and pink cake stand...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiX6eHffXp9fwP8jI0MXVzJcJxPH7I45Nwvl-OV3uQAyqIX25LNUU9paIwuhHQzDLVXqXMgS9o-O2CDMesGgC8QxI8Q31TxGldK_lycVHYYfKv0gG_2_uomAxcvcAyatBgzM_m5A/s640/blogger-image--1610660274.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiX6eHffXp9fwP8jI0MXVzJcJxPH7I45Nwvl-OV3uQAyqIX25LNUU9paIwuhHQzDLVXqXMgS9o-O2CDMesGgC8QxI8Q31TxGldK_lycVHYYfKv0gG_2_uomAxcvcAyatBgzM_m5A/s640/blogger-image--1610660274.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">After receiving the cake stand by mail, I messaged the seller to let her know it had arrived and how much I loved it. I then ended up sharing a bit of our story letting her know the special way I had planned to use it and for such a monumental occasion.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">She in turn wrote that she would love to send us fondant cupcake toppers free!! I was overwhelmed and couldn't believe it! But come they did and we had just over three DOZEN amazing toppers to use for the party!! I missed pictures of all of the designs but here are a few...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYPgrUuCNATUinbv21cIGRIyZaCF5j3zNBEiwgfrj15lRD8dm_1P88huW6v-r446YhhFIHVNQh68zAwke2BdO5EDAz5PfVZ5KhqmES8GOccvfXPwUDFyNj2qDCa-HBTnLby9_xCg/s640/blogger-image-1450731519.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYPgrUuCNATUinbv21cIGRIyZaCF5j3zNBEiwgfrj15lRD8dm_1P88huW6v-r446YhhFIHVNQh68zAwke2BdO5EDAz5PfVZ5KhqmES8GOccvfXPwUDFyNj2qDCa-HBTnLby9_xCg/s640/blogger-image-1450731519.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Like I said... Amazing!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">They were a huge hit and fit the party so well!!! I can't thank her enough!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Go check out Pretty Party Details on Etsy and give her some love!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">https://www.etsy.com/shop/PrettyPartyDetails?ref=ss_profile. </div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-84643502222794510242016-04-10T20:17:00.004-05:002016-04-10T20:17:30.896-05:00Birthday Blessings<span style="font-size: large;">We were so excited to finally be able to plan a birthday for Macy where she would be here! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We celebrated her THIRD birthday at her Rainbow party without her...</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And then her FOURTH birthday at her Frozen party without her...</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And her FIFTH birthday on Easter of last year at a mini princess party with just us four... </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Until finally we were able to have a full blown princess party with a princess to celebrate! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We were so blessed to have about 30 friends (in my little tiny house) who came to celebrate with us! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Each of these friends has become our family and we were rich indeed with all of them here to say happy birthday to our Macy!</span><br />
<br />Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-30779379865559407282016-04-10T16:51:00.001-05:002016-04-10T16:51:03.713-05:00LossMy heartbreaks for my boy who yearns to know more about his birth parents.<div><br></div><div>A seemingly perfect day can be interspersed with these kind of reminders that his loss and grief are never far from the surface.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtPaPZ42qQJGqnoXdcBUZ2ylQhNJ8GEe0jOExW4LlULqeK1rDw-OSTi2hkTJ07ytMfBkHKmhu_TLXljvoV2b9OAciCCnLzv1xlvBR4CYEpiA3K3nnnl1WOnPT-KSSzkJvVamYGAg/s640/blogger-image--1324352166.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtPaPZ42qQJGqnoXdcBUZ2ylQhNJ8GEe0jOExW4LlULqeK1rDw-OSTi2hkTJ07ytMfBkHKmhu_TLXljvoV2b9OAciCCnLzv1xlvBR4CYEpiA3K3nnnl1WOnPT-KSSzkJvVamYGAg/s640/blogger-image--1324352166.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ-SZ0UNw1ngsydXatwYWQDChpPlM6WsP_AIJw7xXo1bK9kGtTwq6E2gKO73Il3BlLeg8HSrrCbdCqdm1rpbac0dZ9C4-zSepkHeUPJifu4LhyphenhyphenQhRBqRtOwmMFK7zJg92gAKkE3w/s640/blogger-image--1624960604.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ-SZ0UNw1ngsydXatwYWQDChpPlM6WsP_AIJw7xXo1bK9kGtTwq6E2gKO73Il3BlLeg8HSrrCbdCqdm1rpbac0dZ9C4-zSepkHeUPJifu4LhyphenhyphenQhRBqRtOwmMFK7zJg92gAKkE3w/s640/blogger-image--1624960604.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-89499151641901736782016-04-10T16:44:00.001-05:002016-04-10T16:44:05.363-05:00An Amazing First<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht9rBRjBiE-fFQr98pUKmN2tzAOa-qXpvAwAJy0wOeQgMiiW0xXP1j-jt4I4Cb-Dtlr8UnNd1EMD0_q_PyHYAGhNeos4nAG6JU-S_cA9M93IJ4ckIvxClcH3T9db92Rn1Y9J9MtQ/s640/blogger-image-117044935.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div></div>Our special girl turned SIX on Tuesday!!! While that's a big deal on its own, this was also her first birthday home with our family, but even more importantly, the first birthday she's ever celebrated independently.<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr6AUvgW2DKR9CR2u-3xsho9Nq-Z8tH3stATaCvJSBuLmOKxtV6ZNceAZfaqscQJyhEC3HwukOSEM-GkdfiI-d2vKqS4y73dizp4VS3QeoHypW4YnK5rAVlM6lAPVO0aMRu6F_TQ/s640/blogger-image-1770381094.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr6AUvgW2DKR9CR2u-3xsho9Nq-Z8tH3stATaCvJSBuLmOKxtV6ZNceAZfaqscQJyhEC3HwukOSEM-GkdfiI-d2vKqS4y73dizp4VS3QeoHypW4YnK5rAVlM6lAPVO0aMRu6F_TQ/s640/blogger-image-1770381094.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">While growing up at her orphanage, I'm not sure how or if they recognize individual birthdays. Each summer though they have one large birthday celebration for all of the kids. While I'm glad they were able to do that, I can't imagine that means much other than a day of fun for all.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHbydxaXPRVIOhGitKErQ5MtsZqbAr0uF3A24UghFrrlDOTkpNCuZcq_J0mTGTgMaRilUS-XM_j3hFjMPSi08ct0snBK9r19VQhALC-IJgqnsNyuiluiZMkIEsf9w4fHxvPXHQXw/s640/blogger-image--899076614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHbydxaXPRVIOhGitKErQ5MtsZqbAr0uF3A24UghFrrlDOTkpNCuZcq_J0mTGTgMaRilUS-XM_j3hFjMPSi08ct0snBK9r19VQhALC-IJgqnsNyuiluiZMkIEsf9w4fHxvPXHQXw/s640/blogger-image--899076614.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">When we received Macy's referral, she was two. Our family celebrated her third, fourth, and fifth birthdays while thinking of her from afar.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizXkbtNXsyWnNsB6hXNitF5C_yBP3RbEpO8Aq2_GipsFTDEcJLG3MazccrGSnTBkBflseunII5ZcG6iWVtTjRfaE1nADl166BRAVJmwe3ArXsqeT1ZXJX4kpyA0V8OcWF4PZCLwg/s640/blogger-image-56170013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizXkbtNXsyWnNsB6hXNitF5C_yBP3RbEpO8Aq2_GipsFTDEcJLG3MazccrGSnTBkBflseunII5ZcG6iWVtTjRfaE1nADl166BRAVJmwe3ArXsqeT1ZXJX4kpyA0V8OcWF4PZCLwg/s640/blogger-image-56170013.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">We knew that this birthday would be a special one for all of us.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And we planned this amazing photo shoot as a start. Cake smash and all!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg2x1CWZFKOrTUpsOYOqndSerCpYbQMUnxqSv4TnNxwHjTsbHYQv6aOtA2KPDmgsE84TPd93F97s8POjdsV6cwg7B49Ka0GfnTUbCp34EyFmFHdQ7mzCPW0qmAFtB36UeHQLn_UQ/s640/blogger-image-1232883588.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg2x1CWZFKOrTUpsOYOqndSerCpYbQMUnxqSv4TnNxwHjTsbHYQv6aOtA2KPDmgsE84TPd93F97s8POjdsV6cwg7B49Ka0GfnTUbCp34EyFmFHdQ7mzCPW0qmAFtB36UeHQLn_UQ/s640/blogger-image-1232883588.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I wanted her to have access to experiences so many have and take for granted. All of those fun firsts.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcrvn7CYicJ7W3i28AyIMmUVc4ZrIOneof6ojZZb_mSv7L44EOmAvQ80GePtiTEqbQVaGQyJroLaltnbc5PCjCPpqD-czybT5BQSUPHK2odmobegu3QCFvQniX_zONzPqxg-ZX3g/s640/blogger-image-1973274006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcrvn7CYicJ7W3i28AyIMmUVc4ZrIOneof6ojZZb_mSv7L44EOmAvQ80GePtiTEqbQVaGQyJroLaltnbc5PCjCPpqD-czybT5BQSUPHK2odmobegu3QCFvQniX_zONzPqxg-ZX3g/s640/blogger-image-1973274006.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I wasn't sure how she'd do at almost six years old. But as you can see she was all in.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5UZHO-c8rzaI0lv-SlBhta0IE1HAKJyi49vQ-P3FRGKlHPBcjVmAgns6eBnp-oCTCxsicUmpWvCEd7g0bBpXJSraC4muzDajlL90kLi6ZNvAGJb0MEbQU_d6uv63zogVoSSHzgQ/s640/blogger-image-1580481718.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5UZHO-c8rzaI0lv-SlBhta0IE1HAKJyi49vQ-P3FRGKlHPBcjVmAgns6eBnp-oCTCxsicUmpWvCEd7g0bBpXJSraC4muzDajlL90kLi6ZNvAGJb0MEbQU_d6uv63zogVoSSHzgQ/s640/blogger-image-1580481718.jpg"></a></div><br></div>This girl deserves more than I can ever hope to give, but this was a beginning.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCeEzI3CUqaQcGS9xPE5hF3rjHTpjomPdU1LZwEuzxhsUCcSGw2k21sgxBxVs3Cm2UYMR5mxkUsRtmym1wRQEJ8y0QvN51LIHTeJegHfUIkejTIFj8NAwMMf-zRarr-UPnValkDA/s640/blogger-image-218574905.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCeEzI3CUqaQcGS9xPE5hF3rjHTpjomPdU1LZwEuzxhsUCcSGw2k21sgxBxVs3Cm2UYMR5mxkUsRtmym1wRQEJ8y0QvN51LIHTeJegHfUIkejTIFj8NAwMMf-zRarr-UPnValkDA/s640/blogger-image-218574905.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmPblzPUWYUB1-z4xJjI5n9zuPhkg6aJcXEIwiQnReTXf1d5aBvooLaxJmGwm5C-YK1fomQqBaUwVontoOwDRC6ohEgaDD7I9bYwSjtBoG4582rOKu7ATj2vpx-sJVUe7WVm4SEg/s640/blogger-image--606083560.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmPblzPUWYUB1-z4xJjI5n9zuPhkg6aJcXEIwiQnReTXf1d5aBvooLaxJmGwm5C-YK1fomQqBaUwVontoOwDRC6ohEgaDD7I9bYwSjtBoG4582rOKu7ATj2vpx-sJVUe7WVm4SEg/s640/blogger-image--606083560.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfzG9AfXSxSk2XaVu7sg_5cBfOdmMCmZMg7fJvbm1hvvCgL3FLCF2KceyVr6RBVwQIZVBso0eEBB-wmLs4XfcSgobyySF7oKn6NLL_B5a2bslj6HERGL4oibCwcM75oXm1p1yhfQ/s640/blogger-image--1904601368.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfzG9AfXSxSk2XaVu7sg_5cBfOdmMCmZMg7fJvbm1hvvCgL3FLCF2KceyVr6RBVwQIZVBso0eEBB-wmLs4XfcSgobyySF7oKn6NLL_B5a2bslj6HERGL4oibCwcM75oXm1p1yhfQ/s640/blogger-image--1904601368.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-18374273359307853082016-02-25T00:58:00.001-06:002016-02-25T00:59:29.608-06:00Single Parent Confessions<div>(Only recently... With the stress of medical questions and concerns)</div><div><br></div><div>(Also titled... Late night ramblings of a crazy person :). )</div><div><br></div>* It gets lonely. Especially at night after the kids are in bed.<div><br></div><div>* I can more clearly understand the concept of being hyper vigilant. I feel on edge most of the time watching and waiting for signs of 'relapse.'</div><div><br></div><div>* Money, while never bountiful previously, has taken on a new meaning. A new feeling of long term insecurity at not having a large savings account to supplement possible future needs and time off work.</div><div><br></div><div>* Doctors, once trusted as sources of knowledge and healing, are currently viewed behind a veil of distrust and judgement. Which makes for a scary place to be.</div><div><br></div><div>* Friends are held in a state of fragility, with unreasonable insecurities put upon their bonds.</div><div><br></div><div>* The need to be busy is hard to quench when not at work. Keeping distracted from my thoughts at times is overwhelming.</div><div><br></div><div>* Prayer has become stronger in the face of needing to rely even more on God to alleviate the fear that can threaten to spill over.</div><div><br></div><div>* Finding and reading new Bible verses and quotes on positivity has proven helpful.</div><div><br></div><div>* A good laugh is worth a million dollars.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br><div><br></div></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-72675425139618703732016-02-15T19:43:00.001-06:002016-02-15T19:43:12.970-06:00Older and OlderSeems daily life keeps on moving through ups and downs! And right when Olivia was dealing with being sick... Both boys' birthdays snuck right up on us!<div><br></div><div>I can never get over the fact that another year has passed once those birthdays come. They give me pause to reflect on each child's precious journey and all they've been through to get to this point. </div><div><br></div><div>Liam turned TEN this year! TEN!?!? I can hardly stand it!</div><div><br></div><div>This little wisp of a boy who blew into our lives one evening in an emergency situation. A nine month old who couldn't sit up or crawl and was making just one sound. And one week later was sitting, standing, and crawling, and his progress though slow continues to amaze me.</div><div><br></div><div>Ten is a big birthday year in our house. We don't do big parties but at five, ten, and sixteen we break the norm and go all out. At ten the kids also get a one on one trip with just mom; their choice. And they get a pet. </div><div><br></div><div>Liam chose to have his two best friends for a party at Chuck E Cheese this year and has looked forward to it ever since he turned nine! Unfortunately it was right when Olivia was sick. Grandma was still here so she stayed with Olivia while the rest of us went. Poor Olivia cried and cried when she realized she was going to have to miss his party. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip8wkwxQwqb8y24vPvn7ynsEoyUFDgfumgZre101nLjLZCwAmfqdyNDJxaDE2iJWuKqBaGUZsPhxxgfsOXQaqtB2huqI_XTueHFG2SnARc-GIVIRapn3qye3g4b2Hzx84_lW8yrw/s640/blogger-image--1526343906.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip8wkwxQwqb8y24vPvn7ynsEoyUFDgfumgZre101nLjLZCwAmfqdyNDJxaDE2iJWuKqBaGUZsPhxxgfsOXQaqtB2huqI_XTueHFG2SnARc-GIVIRapn3qye3g4b2Hzx84_lW8yrw/s640/blogger-image--1526343906.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>Liam's trip will take place this June. He decided on a Disney trip so we will all travel to Florida to spend time at Grandma's and while there Liam and I will leave for four days for his special trip.</div><div><br></div><div>As for the pet... Well I'm not sure he's quite ready for that. I finagled my way out of it for now. So we'll see. </div><div><br></div><div>On his birthday he chose summer sausage, cheese, crackers and cherry cola for his dinner. The kid cracks me up!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVnN3FKDicexbO2kwbz4bAoLLyjxEkbzjwbGIwiCDqzVlOX_lKjMUasjnRjEaFWX5iaO21XQE_r9KTNEG_xhWWFSDKlpxy2ixUf9BgIJtZEa8yLID-MGv9bnELWv5GjHGVf4uMoQ/s640/blogger-image-2039988538.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVnN3FKDicexbO2kwbz4bAoLLyjxEkbzjwbGIwiCDqzVlOX_lKjMUasjnRjEaFWX5iaO21XQE_r9KTNEG_xhWWFSDKlpxy2ixUf9BgIJtZEa8yLID-MGv9bnELWv5GjHGVf4uMoQ/s640/blogger-image-2039988538.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>And then eight days later it was Braeden's turn! Luckily in between Olivia had her spinal tap so she was feeling herself again! </div><div><br></div><div>Braeden turned twelve and he had a hard time this year. A lot of big feelings regarding family. Birthdays while joyous can bring up a lot in kiddos from hard backgrounds and this was no exception. A few nights holding a sobbing boy and daily anxiety on top of that. </div><div><br></div><div>He chose wings, sweet potatoes, and butterbeer for his dinner!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_aeA6NwmXeP52M0iePv7XQfDggtmGDiFpcMgTP4WSvGiNtteCTLR23_sJ5S9Zpnm6NSWVPHhsLRa1YBOBf416ZaFKBuX_ch_Aa9r_m8Wbqd5eY7Y7S5zhrLmBp_lz4Zso_Vx43Q/s640/blogger-image-109363918.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_aeA6NwmXeP52M0iePv7XQfDggtmGDiFpcMgTP4WSvGiNtteCTLR23_sJ5S9Zpnm6NSWVPHhsLRa1YBOBf416ZaFKBuX_ch_Aa9r_m8Wbqd5eY7Y7S5zhrLmBp_lz4Zso_Vx43Q/s640/blogger-image-109363918.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>It's amazing to see these two boys becoming young men before my eyes. I'm not sure where the time is going but thank God for all of the special times we've had and all I can see Him doing in their lives.</div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-16262922418796166412016-02-14T15:11:00.002-06:002016-02-14T15:11:20.889-06:00Being RightMany people rule their lives it seems by always having to "be right." They have to have the final say, can't open their mind to other points of view, choose not to look into another idea or solution, and will defend their concept or position to the death.<br />
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I admit that at times I can get caught up in that as much as anyone. But I like to think that for the most part that is NOT how I choose to function. Does that mean I won't defend myself if I believe that I'm on the right track with a student or that I will "back down" if a certain 14 year old doesn't remember that she was asked three times to do something that still has not been done, no. :) But I always try to see others' perspectives, their way of looking at a problem, another way to complete a job or view a solution or see our world.<br />
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Being right can also be a tough place for many. I am positive there are times that people find out information and then wish with all they have that they WEREN'T right. When the crew on the Titantic realized that the unsinkable ship was going down and they needed to begin evacuation, there were many who still disagreed. Many who would not listen, would not, could not, dare to believe that this majestic boat was really sinkable. But those who began to help passengers to safety were right. The Titanic WAS sinking, and as much as they most likely wished to be wrong, they were right.<br />
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Friday I took Olivia to meet with a neurologist at the same hospital we've been going to, to help look at getting answers to what has been, and is, going on with her. The neurologist looked over all of the tests that were done and spoke with one of the doctors we've been working with. This doctor, like the others, still doesn't want to admit that her recent episode is in any way related to Olivia's hospitalization over the summer. Even though she had the exact same symptoms. Even though she's never been through anything like this any other time. Even though both times it took a spinal tap to end those symptoms.<br />
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And I'm pretty sure I know why. I'm pretty sure I know what she has. <br />
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This most recent appointment? The doctor did at least confirm that this is something REAL. That whatever is happening is NOT just "in her head." So that's a positive. However, she's still guessing at what it could be. She gave us a possibility and asked me to research it at home. Recommended we still move forward with our referral to the other hospital in April (WE WILL BE). And dismissed, just like the other doctors, the condition that I think Olivia has. Dismissed it because of ONE factor. One factor that I had read does not have to be at the number that these doctors do. Because Olivia's "number" was the high end but "normal". And yet the guess she gave me... does not hardly fit AT ALL. <br />
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Do I WANT to "be right?" NO! Believe me, this is NOT about being right. I do NOT wish to be "right" on this. If I thought in the least that this doctor's recommendation was spot on... I'd run with it. Because what she thinks... no big deal. Managable. Common. Treatable. What I think it is... what I'm pretty darn SURE it is... Not easily managable. Rare. Hard to treat with some patients. But it fits. And I don't WANT to just jump onto another diagnosis because it was given by a doctor, or because it's "better".<br />
<br />
Because I don't WANT to be right. <br />
But I know I am.<br />
And I wait and watch and hope that Olivia doesn't relapse before SOMEone helps us. Before SOME doctor is willing to look seriously at this and provide a strong plan and treatment.<br />
And my days and nights are spent trying not to worry. Trying to distract myself as much as I can. And trying to find something else it could be so that I'm NOT right.Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-43282396257176561392016-02-07T21:21:00.000-06:002016-02-07T21:21:47.406-06:00I Call NO FAIR<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Whenever my kids at home or school use the phrase 'that's not fair' I always come back with letting them know that they're using 'fair' wrong. Many seem to think of fair as meaning everyone should get the same, but really it doesn't. Fair means everyone gets what they need. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Honestly I can remember a couple of extreme lows in my life where I've thought 'it's not fair' so I do understand where they're coming from when they say that. And this is another of those times. I know that God can use trials for His good. I've seen Him bring beauty from ashes. But really, my Olivia has been through so much in her 14 years and I say it's not fair.</span></div>
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<br />
Born with HIV.<br />
Living daily with HIV and worrying about the stigma of that.<br />
Hard first three years in two living situations.<br />
Foster care.<br />
Separation from her brother.<br />
Seizures.</div>
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Then last summer and her vaccine reaction and hospitalization. Missing her favorite week of camp. Taking a couple months to build up her activity and health again.<br />
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Four weeks ago it all went downhill yet again. She was hospitalized yet again. She had a horrible headache that once started did not end for even five minutes, nausea, confusion, light and noise sensitivity, unsteadiness in her walking, reflux like symptoms, ringing ears. Two days of this and she was hospitalized where they ran many tests. They found nothing. They did not see a correlation to the events of last summer, even though she hasn't had headaches any other time. </div>
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So they claimed stress and anxiety and sent us home. Home?! Where her symptoms did NOT change but in fact grew worse over time. They didn't call. Didn't offer suggestions, except to send breathing exercises for anxiety through email. I emailed constantly. I researched relentlessly. I lost many nights of sleep... And still am... I finally found what I thought was "it." All the symptoms FIT. And looking back at her hospitalization over the summer, which I kept telling them was related, her same symptoms: headache, confusion, altered state, all ended the day she had a spinal tap. Maybe coincidence. But it fit what I found. At the time we didn't pay that any attention because so much was happening, so many tests were being done. But that's the day she got better with those symptoms. Yet they said no. It couldn't be. It didn't fit.</div>
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They finally decided, with all of my emailing, to do a spinal tap because that was one test they had thought of doing in the hospital but hadn't. And I was now glad they hadn't, because if they did it would again have been overlooked as the solution. They scheduled it for this past Thursday. And on that day... after being on home bound from school because she couldn't leave the house... after missing activities at church and school... all the symptoms she had... headache that never ended for even five minutes the three and half weeks prior, light and noise sensitivity for 3+ weeks, ringing ears for 1+ weeks, cold head, sore back, all gone. GONE. Immediately gone.</div>
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And they haven't called to check on her. They haven't inquired in any way as to how she's been since. And she's fine. She's back to her completely normal, healthy, 14 year old self.</div>
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So now I gear up for the next part of this battle. Because although she's better NOW, this is only the beginning. Someone has to listen. Someone has to help me get to the answer. Because I cannot, will not, wait six or five or four months for this to happen yet again with no answers. And when someone does finally listen, we will have a new diagnosis, a new condition that we will have to navigate, more for Olivia to learn about her body. And though they'll never admit it, it's another effect of that stupid vaccine. It all started at the same moment that I will forever kick myself over. </div>
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And if she has what I suspect she does, it's a serious, lifelong condition. </div>
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And she's 14.</div>
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And it's so not fair.</div>
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I want her to be able to get back to 'normal'.</div>
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I want to not go day by day worrying she's going to get a headache and what that could mean. </div>
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I want to go to late night movies with my friend again instead of spending hours researching medical symptoms and diagnoses.</div>
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I want to let her go to sleepovers and camp and out with friends without worrying how she is.</div>
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I want to plan vacations and concerts and Chicago trips without wondering if we can carry them out or if we'll be in the hospital.</div>
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I want...</div>
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For it to be fair...</div>
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Because life has NOT been fair to my girl.</div>
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And she deserves so much better. </div>
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So much more.</div>
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Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-61179756106733306692016-01-10T21:28:00.001-06:002016-01-10T21:29:36.808-06:00Toothless Wonders<span style="font-size: large;">It's been tooth losing season 'round these parts the last couple of weeks!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">First Liam on our way to Florida...</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Then Braeden while we were in Florida...</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And finally MACY lost her FIRST every tooth just yesterday!!!! </span><br />
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And woke up saying "Where's my money?!?!" Doh!Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-12047054278199013562016-01-10T21:22:00.001-06:002016-01-10T21:29:04.376-06:00How Time Flies<span style="font-size: large;">Three years ago today I opened an email that would forever change my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And saw this face for the very first time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We celebrated as a family the fact that we now knew WHO we were adopting.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And we were blessed to be chosen to be hers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Three years later she is finally home.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And we are loving every minute of it.</span><br />
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<br />Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-56204801278701459602015-12-29T21:41:00.001-06:002015-12-29T21:46:29.651-06:00Navigating This New WorldDriving from Orlando to Atlanta today, with four children who were EXTRA amazing! (And I can NOT always say that!) gave way to many hours of thinking. I alluded to another struggle from our trip in my last post about Christmas. While I'm still not sure any of my thoughts are going to come out in a coherent bundle, I'm going to try.<br />
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It seems we're beginning to live in a new world. A world I'm not at all ready to become a part of. A world that I as a parent am struggling to comprehend. A world where hypervigilance becomes commonplace and suspicion has tendency to reign.<br />
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But I don't WANT to live in this world.<br />
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On Friday, December 25 we went as a family to Downtown Disney (ok, so it's Disney Springs now... but it's going to be Downtown Disney to me for a LONG time to come.) When we go to places like this, we usually go right when they open. We do this not because I want to be early everywhere, but because it's the time when there are usually the least amount of people, which helps tremendously when you have kids with anxiety. Also, we can get a parking space without searching forever, and close enough that we don't have to walk far. But, on Christmas day, we were not rushing through gifts. We planned to go to a movie at Downtown Disney, but we didn't plan a time, it was more of a "wait and see when we're done." So we didn't get there when they opened, or when the first showing of Star Wars began. Instead we arrived at 1:00 for the 2:15pm show. My mom waited in line while the kids and I went to a few of the new stores. I was looking forward to checking out the new <a href="http://www.disneyfoodblog.com/2015/12/17/first-look-and-review-the-ganachery-chocolate-shoppe-in-disney-worlds-disney-springs/" target="_blank">Ganachery</a> they opened! <br />
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We were able to go to the Marvel and Star Wars stores (so fun!) and saw the Ganachery. But, as the shop is quite small, they only allow about 6 patrons at a time and there was a line outside. No time for that with kids, some of whom were on the verge with their anxiety with the heat and crowd already! So we headed back and found out that our 2:15 show was sold out. Grandma had gotten tickets for the 6:00 show but since we were already struggling, we returned the tickets and went to another theater which was not packed. (side note - we LOVED Star Wars!!!)<br />
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That night, after Liam and Macy were asleep, Olivia and I went back to Downtown Disney. We hoped to get to the Ganachery and a few other places before going back the next day with the family. Grandma had given the kids Disney money and they were planning on going to the other side to hit up the toy stores. (I did not know at the time that with all the construction the only way in currently is where we came in for the movies. We had planned to park at the other side near those stores.)<br />
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We walked and stopped at a shop where I found some new sandals and then FINALLY got to the Ganachery! Such an amazing place!!! Just after that our night completely changed.<br />
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There was a cute kiosk outside between the Ganachery and TRex and I stopped to look at some picture frames. As Olivia and I were in the store, I noticed a man call sternly to each of his three daughters. They seemed very perplexed as to why he was calling them out, but I didn't understand what he said since it was in a different language. I turned and saw a few other families acting similarly. I still didn't know what was happening. All of a sudden things were happening quickly. I heard someone say "shots fired", I saw people hurrying away from the way we had come, my pulse quickened, my fear spiked. Looking back I think one of the worst parts was that this was not a surprise. It wasn't something I or others dismissed. It was pure fear immediately that this. was. happening. And we knew "what" it was... whether an act of terrorism or someone with unbridled rage, it was a shooter situation and we needed to take action. Never a question.<br />
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I took Olivia and started toward TRex. She still didn't understand but was growing more and more scared as she saw others. We went in the front portion of TRex to get out of the path. Downtown Disney is honestly a perfect place for something like this to happen. It's one main path, MANY MANY people (way more than were there at 1 this afternoon), and with all the construction there are very few exits.<br />
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Inside TRex others were standing around wondering what was happening as we were. It was still somewhat calm, subdued. All of a sudden people were RUNNING full on as a mob into TRex where we were. The group we were in all went in and around the corner to go out into a front section of the restaurant. We were starting to panic. Olivia and I were crouched against the front wall of the restaurant with a "wall" of maybe six or seven people deep in front of us all crouching down and trying to hide. People were crying, praying, holding their families. My thoughts were that we were either getting shot or watching others get shot and with all the people in front of us I thought gruesomely that we would most likely be ok but those in front of us would not. It was not even a question, I thought it was happening.<br />
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With Olivia's history of trauma, she reacts physically to major stressors. This was not an exception. She was shaking and her legs went paralyzed. She couldn't feel them or move. After what felt like a long time but was most likely not long at all people began getting up and moving into the restaurant. We followed. Employees shut and locked all doors while we waited to see what was going on. Olivia and I moved toward the back. We paid attention to where the back exit was. We talked about what to do if something else happened. I worked at calming Olivia down. I asked for water and the employees were nice enough to get some for Olivia. I kicked myself for letting my phone battery run so low as I was texting a friend to keep in contact with someone. Three times I almost texted her my mom's number "just in case" but kept deleting it. I just couldn't go there.<br />
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Finally they opened back up and told us all that there was an all clear. We slowly got up and ready to leave. We had to go back the way we came to get to the garage. Back the way the incident happened. The whole way I talked to Olivia calmly but also talked about some of the things I learned recently <a href="http://www.artofmanliness.com/2015/11/30/what-to-do-in-an-active-shooter-situation/" target="_blank">in an article I read about active shooter situations.</a> About paying attention to exits wherever you are. About running in a zig zag pattern to get away from anything happening. As we made our way back we passed a woman throwing up on the side. A security officer walking by on his walkie talkie. The section of shops with the Ganachery with all of their fire alarms going off. Two officers in bullet proof vests with guns drawn and on walkies with the words "shots fired" coming in loud and clear. Making it to our van we saw officers walking the garage looking for ???? We waited a LONG time before even moving since so many were leaving at once. The whole way home Olivia jumped at every sound, every light. She slept that night, and has every night since, with the door open. She came out after 20 minutes asking me to never leave to go anywhere without letting her know.<br />
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How did THIS become our world?<br />
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How did we begin thinking of shooter situations as "normal".<br />
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And why aren't we more shocked at this.<br />
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It looks like, after reading what I could online, that what actually happened was a brawl at a nightspot, shattering glass that sounded like shots, and people who took this sound as fact and ran with it. As far away from us as this was, I can't imagine what the chaos was like closer to the point of beginning since it was so hard as far away as we were.<br />
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I'm so grateful we hadn't brought Braeden with us. But my girl, with the trauma background, now has more trauma to deal with.<br />
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I did go the next day back to Downtown Disney. But I went by myself with the two boys. Olivia could NOT go back. But I needed to go back. I needed to wrap my head around this and see it by the light of day. And the boys would have a very hard time not following through with the plan to go and use their gifts. It was actually harder than I thought it would be parking in the same garage, walking the same paths. Olivia texted me quite a few times while I was gone asking if all was ok. Asking when we were coming back. <br />
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It infuriates me that such a night tainted a place that has always been such a happy memory for myself and the kids.<br />
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But I also kick myself for not having a stronger faith. I think if I had been in that situation alone I may have reacted differently, but being there as a parent and working to keep Olivia calm and ok overrode everything else in those moments. I prayed with Olivia during this time. I talked to her about God having us and being in control. But how steadfast was I in this belief? Why didn't I rely more heavily on Him. I let emotion take over. I need to remember that no matter what happens in this world, that He is still the almighty. Time and again I fail at this.<br />
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<span class="passage-display-bcv">Proverbs 3:5</span><span class="passage-display-version"></span></h1>
<span class="text Prov-3-5" id="en-NIV-16461"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>Trust in the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> with all your heart</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-3-5">and lean not on your own understanding</span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-3-5">We are good. We are safe. </span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-3-5">But since then I have held my kids closer. I have thought about friends and cherish them just a bit more. I have planned some letters I hope to send once we're home.</span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-3-5">Maybe this was an eye opener for me. Maybe through this God has planted other seeds. Maybe it will be used in ways yet to be revealed.</span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-3-5">Maybe. </span></span>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-11572297008883291202015-12-29T19:08:00.000-06:002015-12-29T19:20:44.616-06:00All That Christmas StuffChristmas was great this year... as it always is. One of my favorite seasons for so many reasons and this year was no exception. It was made especially sweet with it being Macy's first Christmas at home with us. She had so much fun with all of the hoopla and was one of the loudest singers when we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus!<br>
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This year we went to Florida to spend time with Grandma. Almost everything we did was "free" thanks to Disney reward dollars and getting to go to our home away from home at Give Kids the World Village. Otherwise it was money for gas and food. And we all had so much fun! Don't get me wrong, there were a couple rough spots... like day one which is ALWAYS hard for Braeden as his anxiety over change gets regulated... and day two was better but still off. But really the rest of our trip went along swimmingly with very few "typical" struggles.<br>
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There were two HUGE struggles that we did maneuver through in the midst however, but luckily they were overshadowed. On the way to Florida, we had stopped in Atlanta an extra day with the idea of using our Six Flags season passes. During the first night Macy began running high fevers and when she was still spiking them, on meds, the next day and I was about to take her to an urgent care location, Olivia began having trouble with her chest where she couldn't even get out of bed. I had no choice but to call the ambulance. At the same time because of all of this, Braeden's anxiety took over and Liam began having a panic attack. He stalled in walking across the room and just shook, saying "What is happening to me? I don't know what is happening?!!!" It was a LOW to say the least and I struggled big time through it all just trying to hold everyone together. (Texting a couple of special friends has been the glue to hold me together especially in these rough times of late!!!)<br>
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The ambulance deposited the girls in the ER waiting room where we waited quite a while to be seen. Olivia began feeling better and Macy was finally diagnosed with a double ear infection and given a prescription for antibiotics. They ran an EKG and XRay on Olivia but her heart and chest looked good. They said they attributed her pain to growing. I was emailing with her doctor in Chicago and they don't agree. We will look into it more at her next appointment in January. (The second struggle I am processing and will hopefully complete a second post about it.)<br>
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But as I said... the struggles were definitely overshadowed by the great trip we had!<br><br>
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Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-19614888502350310282015-12-16T19:39:00.001-06:002015-12-16T20:41:07.528-06:00Holidays<span style="font-size: large;">It must be the holidays. I'm not sure what else it could be at this point. What brings about some major hard feelings and incredible vulnerability.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you're in the adoption community, if you've adopted or have friends who have adopted maybe you know what holidays sometimes bring in our kids from hard places. We don't always view a lot of that around here, or at least haven't for a while, and for that I'm glad. But when it cones it hits hard and fast. And coming the two nights following the night I had Monday with Macy's revelation... Man, I'm ready for a break. Of every kind. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I joke with friends about how there should be an ice cream truck that comes around after kids are in bed. For adults only. Maybe it will have a special frequency that is picked up by just our cell phones so children don't wake from their slumber!! How amazing!!! I think I would've gained fifty pounds though these three nights. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last night my 14 year old and I had a huge falling out. Huge. To the point where we were both a mess. She went to bed highly upset, I could barely sleep, and I felt myself slipping over the abyss of not being good enough. I was believing a lot of the ugly she spewed at me. I was not in a good place and I'm sure she wasn't either.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This morning we were pleasant, even nice and the day got off ok. Tonight... I can't even describe it. And I won't share details because it's her story and not mine. Suffice it to say we had an amazing conversation. First about last night. Then about so much more. So very much more. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She shared things with me that I had no clue of. Things she's never spoken of before. Things from before she came to live with me - details I had not before heard. Things you wouldn't believe. Things she deals with to this day that she's never mentioned. Daily thoughts, fears, where a lot of her anxiety comes from, and so much more. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I treasure this. I'm blessed she opened up to me. Isn't this how things often happen. We go through rough patches, come out on the other side and are stronger for it. The lows of last night have given way to clarity.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">A clarity I wish wasn't needed. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I wish beyond all, that my children never had to go through what they have, and that I could take all the hurt from them. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I wish I could 'make it all better.' </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVx0k-bauTUSOkO17EHByDzgrP6f6kNvO7ckEutZexULQdmgvRuLFYl8s0Kf_olaW0wHykwjpfX-6BpQdXrFQ0ny1a0fVUS1bOrDOdrv5mtv_iE9Won75rs50gMGJFNUzwhRpzxg/s640/blogger-image--1980870007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVx0k-bauTUSOkO17EHByDzgrP6f6kNvO7ckEutZexULQdmgvRuLFYl8s0Kf_olaW0wHykwjpfX-6BpQdXrFQ0ny1a0fVUS1bOrDOdrv5mtv_iE9Won75rs50gMGJFNUzwhRpzxg/s640/blogger-image--1980870007.jpg" /></a></div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">But I can listen. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I can be there to hear it: the good, the bad, the downright ugly, the confessions, the celebrations. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">And that's where I need to focus.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">My heart grieves all she's lost.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">But where last night I wallowed in self doubt, tonight I grieve for my child.</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">She is so very strong. I look up to her more than any other person I know. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">All she's endured. And yet her faith is solid. Her morals unwavering. I fall short of who she herself strives to be. She will do mighty things in her lifetime.</span></div>
Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-84255755098440777112015-12-14T19:37:00.001-06:002015-12-14T19:37:31.111-06:00The HardTonight was a hard night. Not hard the way some nights are hard, with high anxiety running rampant in one of my kiddos causing extreme stress and impulsive anger and frustration. Not hard with children having horrible, scary, unexplained seizures. Not hard like finding your child unconscious on the floor of their room, though those and more have and will continue to happen. <div><br></div><div>Hard. As in adoptive family heartbreak hard. Hard enough to break a heart into a million shattered pieces. Where you as the parent, the stable force you are supposed to be, have to fight to keep your composure. And try in any way possible not to break in front of them. </div><div><br></div><div>Macy continues to be an amazing force in our lives. She pushes five year old boundaries and knows where her brothers' buttons are weakest. But beyond this, these normal mile markers of youth, she is thriving. She remains 'all in' in every way. Macy's infectious smile permeates the day. </div><div><br></div><div>As we were listening to music on my phone this evening in the kitchen while working on dinner, a song I listened to often during her adoption came on. </div><div><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I told Macy how I listened to that song a lot while we waited for her to come live with us. That we thought about her and prayed for her, that we missed and loved her, that it was so hard to wait sometimes. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">She smiled and said "It was a long time!" I said yes and thought we were having a great conversation and then she says... "I didn't want to come here." I</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> said, "You didn't?" She said no and I was thinking... ok you didn't, you were scared, that's normal. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Then I asked are you glad you're here now? Do you want to be here now? She said no. Nope, she doesn't want to be here, as she's smiling. And don't think she doesn't know what I was asking. She did. She does. She said she wants to live with her house mom.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Believe me, I get it. I do. I'm incredibly grateful she was so well loved. She owes me nothing. I pulled her out of a loving home. The one she has always known, always loved, always counted on. I know she loves us. I know. But my heart is hurting. My heart has loved her longer than she ever even knew of us. We have been with her six months this week. Such a short time in her five years. And hearts are incredibly weak aren't they? Easily broken. With long memories. They like to loop conversations such as these over and over in your head.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So so hard. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-16035184258526233472015-11-26T11:19:00.002-06:002015-11-26T11:19:30.628-06:00Trauma and Holidays<span style="font-size: large;">Holidays can be oh so hard sometimes for our kids from hard places. Sometimes they come and go with those normal everyday expectations that most families have for those days: food, fun, family, pleasant conversation, gifts, etc. And sometimes when you least expect it, when things have been going along smoothly, a giant crocodile lunges full force out of that smooth flowing stream, churning it to rapids, and sending you coursing through rocks and rapids at breakneck speed as you gasp for a breath.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Today is one of those.</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And it's 10:20 am.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihc5qXPjRLbRR-jgsON_wZ9GqeI7ZODgJMrl9MBkTX_NpmbWvUGBip5Pj8fEW21eGFUBxnxW25hm_1aXnOLoNSFnRRL3hrvvMw7gARakq5m1Us2sgBc_NzXiVijM3E_jbL3LfEWQ/s1600/11987092_10201330993513006_6832602889222269138_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihc5qXPjRLbRR-jgsON_wZ9GqeI7ZODgJMrl9MBkTX_NpmbWvUGBip5Pj8fEW21eGFUBxnxW25hm_1aXnOLoNSFnRRL3hrvvMw7gARakq5m1Us2sgBc_NzXiVijM3E_jbL3LfEWQ/s320/11987092_10201330993513006_6832602889222269138_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But I can see it turning around. I can glimpse the other side of the crocodile's wake. We are pulling for shore. Resting our boat. Trying to start over. It's been a long 3 and a half hours. But we are coming to the calm. I pray it's so. I hope it isn't an illusion.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-6316500304278044952015-11-26T11:00:00.001-06:002015-11-26T11:01:16.085-06:00Thankful<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I obviously have so very very much to be </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">THANKFUL </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">for this year.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">First and foremost...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">Macy finally came HOME.</span> </span></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She is THRIVING more than I ever </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">could have dared to hope or imagine. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She jumps into each and every new experience head first.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">No holding back.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And loving every minute of it. </span></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She has started kindergarten,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">and gymnastics.</span> </div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Experienced Halloween</span> </div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And costumes.</span> </div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She loves unconditionally.</span></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">And wakes with a HUGE smile each and every day.</span> </div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">She's now been home for FIVE MONTHS.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">just unbelievable. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Snow was scary at first but she quickly took to it in full form.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And hot cocoa is her new favorite drink!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We've braved many health issues this year, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">and God saw us through with the help of many friends.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">There were many ups and downs prior to Macy's arrival,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">especially in the last few months awaiting that day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But we are oh so Thankful,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">knowing so many more have challenges </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">we couldn't fathom. </span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Have a BLESSED Thanksgiving!</span></div>
Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-44970054658783460472015-10-26T09:16:00.000-05:002015-10-27T06:17:06.079-05:00Positively Passionate for Purple!!!<span style="font-size: large;">I mentioned in another post how I had stumbled upon <a href="http://www.classroomfriendlysupplies.com/collections/frontpage/products/popular-purple" target="_blank">this amazing pencil sharpener</a> to use in my classroom. It's touted as the "sharpener that all the teachers are talking about" and I know why! It's so easy to use and works a million times better than any other large sharpener I've tried!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizME82ga36IyKKvwmRUA6AuEh7NwRkrpSeTk2DxEHApWPev1JxZ2wLI4zQ-gtPW-cH0hlGsnPntSO3qtP0KaG4mGf7AodPM6cQek6g8uVLbD1XbaKNyRUrcYRCnV6Yqzqeqm4bzg/s1600/purple+Logo_ad+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizME82ga36IyKKvwmRUA6AuEh7NwRkrpSeTk2DxEHApWPev1JxZ2wLI4zQ-gtPW-cH0hlGsnPntSO3qtP0KaG4mGf7AodPM6cQek6g8uVLbD1XbaKNyRUrcYRCnV6Yqzqeqm4bzg/s1600/purple+Logo_ad+copy.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">People spoke and through multiple requests the company has granted their hope - this great sharpener is now available in <a href="http://www.classroomfriendlysupplies.com/collections/frontpage/products/popular-purple" target="_blank">purple</a>!!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We love it even on Pajama Day!!!</span></div>
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** I did receive a free sharpener for doing this review, but all review ideas and information are mine for the sharing!**</div>
Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23828843.post-26950307129119577302015-10-19T23:05:00.003-05:002015-10-19T23:05:42.961-05:00Four Months<span style="font-size: large;">I say this constantly, but I really don't know where all the time goes! Macy's been home for four months now. She is growing like crazy. Physically she's gone from size three to a five. She has completely switched over to English (sadly I'm not sure how much Creole she even remembers). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Macy is loving school and learning so much. She spells and writes both Macy and Mom with ease and sounds out almost anything you can think to ask. She gets very confused with Liam's name... because where is the 'e'??? :) Macy went to her first Amusement park and is going to be another dare devil just like her sister! She does get in trouble from time to time but usually it's because she and Liam "fight" over their place in the family. They are both vying for the same spot it seems. :( So we're working on it. And it's making progress. :) It's all very 'typical' five year old behavior, nothing more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Macy loves unconditionally, grieves over her friends back in Haiti, goes all out for fun, gets upset when I have to say no to her millionth request for ice cream, and is just all out having a blast fitting in and figuring things out. She amazes me.</span><br />
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<br />Lisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00106155913054285175noreply@blogger.com1