Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A Heavy Heart

Some of you may know or remember the "story" behind Liam and his adoption and his birth mom from past posts. We were lucky to have gotten to know Liam's mom enough that when termination was closing in, I made sure to have our agency talk to her about the fact that I would love to have a PO box to be able to share letters and photos with her if she was open to that.

I have never wanted to "take my children" from their birth families. Being a foster family is a much different experience than receiving a child from a parent who has made an adoption plan. Most of these birth parents that I have "worked" with as a foster parent have not been so nice to me. They have viewed me as "the bad guy." Although my goal, my number one reason for doing foster care, is to be a safe place for a child in trauma. To provide a secure stable environment while parents work on whatever it is that they need to work on in order for their home to be a safe place to bring their child/children back to.

As Liam's termination drew close, I made it clear to the agency and to her that I was serious about wanting to get a PO Box and let mom be updated on Liam through letters and pictures. AND, I was more than willing, as long as she was appropriate and it was safe, to visit occasionally. Birth mom, through this time, understood that I was not simply "whisking" him away from her. It was not my "plan" to take him from her. She ended up signing her rights away willingly.

Since that time we have exchanged letters and pictures. I have always let her lead and respond to her letters as soon as she writes them (when I receive one - I don't stop daily but usually weekly unless I'm expecting one and then it may be more often that I check.) We also have visited a number of times, usually every two or three months. The relationship we are building I know and believe, is going to be so very important for Liam's development as he gets older. The visits and our relationship have been so much better than I had even hoped. There have been a couple of things I've had to "talk" to her about, but very few and she immediately followed what I asked of her in order to do what was best for Liam. She has been nothing but positive and loving and gracious to us all. She loves all three of the kids and I have truly been blessed getting to know her better and spending time with her.

But today my heart is heavy. You see, while we had been visiting with her and hearing from her every couple months, I haven't received a single note since the beginning of February when we celebrated Liam's bday. Her bday is at the end of May and I thought for sure we would hear from her to get together for a visit. Nothing. She has moved a number of times in the past year and a half, so I thought maybe she was in transition again and then we'd here from her. Still nothing. And today I checked the PO Box again and nothing. It hurts to not know where she is or what's going on. I'm grateful in a small way that Liam is not yet old enough to truly "get" who this Mommy ***** is, to ask me repeatedly and worriedly what is going on and where she is, but I am worried. I wish I knew. My prayers are with her wherever she is and whatever is going on. I pray she gets any help she may need, that she is safe, that she is feeling God at this time. I pray we hear from her soon. For this little face, I pray that this is not the end of our journey together...

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About Me

I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!

Olivia - 14

Olivia - 14

Braeden - 11

Braeden - 11

Liam - 9

Liam - 9

Macy - 5

Macy - 5

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What you should know about HIV

-HIV can NOT be spread through casual/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging, kissing, shaking hands, sharing toys, sneezing, coughing, sharing food, sharing drinks, bathing, swimming or any other casual way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles). - HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives. - People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do. Additional information on transmission of HIV can be found on the Center for Disease Control website: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources

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Orphan Crisis

• 147 million orphans in the world
• 50 million orphans in Africa 
• Every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS
• 16,000,000 have been orphaned by AIDS
• Every week, AIDS claims as many lives as American fatalities in the Vietnam War
• 854 million people do not have enough to eat
• Malnutrition is associated with the deaths of 5 million children under the age of five
• Every 2 seconds an orphan dies from malnutrition

Hence the title of my blog

Little Did I Know

Little did I know that the road would be so rocky
Little did I know that the trip would take so long
Little did I know that my heart could hurt so much
Little did I know that God is never wrong

Little did I know that love could be so powerful
Little did I know that a dream so far could go
Little did I know that God would place the right ones
Little did I know that my heart, so large, could grow

Little did I know that a dream has it’s own timing
Little did I know that this day would finally come
Little did I know that four souls would be sent to guide me
Little did I know that they would choose to call me mom

But God knew all along and He had a plan to follow
God knew all along that my dream would soon come true
God knew all along that we five should be together
God knew all along that I’d share it all with you