I have a new title: Mom. Not foster mom, but Mom. One and only. Such a good feeling.
In addition, I wrote a poem in January 2006 when I found out that Braeden's appeal was complete and Olivia's termination was on the way. It's title: Little Did I Know. I had planned originally to use it on my adoption announcements. The two were supposed to be adopted within a month of each other and I was going to send announcements on both at once. Since this is not the case, I will be sending separate announcements and the poem didn't quite fit. I'm going to share it here. Now you will understand the title of my blog...

Little Did I Know

Little did I know that the road would be so rocky
Little did I know that the trip would take so long
Little did I know that my heart could hurt so much
Little did I know that God is never wrong

Little did I know that love could be so powerful
Little did I know that a dream, so far, could go
Little did I know that God would place the right ones
Little did I know that my heart, so large, could grow

Little did I know that a dream has it's own timing
Little did I know that this day would finally come
Little did I know that two souls would be sent to guide me
Little did I know that they would choose to call me mom

But God knew all along and He had a plan to follow
God knew all along that my dream would soon come true
God knew all along that we three should be together
God knew all along that I'd share it all with you


God bless.

It is finally here! Braeden is mine officially and forever!

The court appearance went off without a hitch, and was so quick it was hard to believe that's all there was. Luckily I had called in advance and spoken with a clerk about bringing a camera. I really wanted a photo to capture the day, but with all the new rules and regs cameras are not allowed. I had heard people were able to "smuggle" in disposables through the system, but wanted to call and find out. The clerk I spoke with said that she couldn't guarantee anything, but that she would give security my name and IF I had an adoption appearance scheduled and IF they ok'd me, then they would allow it. I first tried the "say-nothing-and-get-it-through" idea. Didn't work. They immediately asked if I had a disposable. I said yes, that my name was supposed to have been left, and that I had an adoption. They asked my name, confirmed it and ok'd the camera. They said that I had to keep it on first floor. I told them our room was on the second and they said OK but make sure not to take pics of anything else since that is juvenile. No problem. We were in and out in about 10 min. Pics and all! He is my son.

My friend, for too many years to count, was with me for this occasion. She is a very special friend and she and her husband are Braeden's godparents. I think it will be important for my kids, especially if I end up with the crew I hope to someday have :), to each have their own special godparent/parents to "call their own." That way each child will have a special person/people to rely on or take them somewhere special once in a while. Being a single mom, I think it will become even more important to them as they grow older.

As for the new one I had hoped/thought I was getting. Didn't happen. Cw told me that they had the mtg, brought out all the complaints, concerns, etc. but supervisor didn't say he should be moved as the cw thought he would. She thinks he is making a mistake and is making sure all is documented. I don't get the system. Let's remove a child from a home that is questionable, or whatever, place them in foster care at a tender age, and then knowingly keep them in a foster home that is questionable. The child is 8 months, can't sit by themselves, and has bruises when the cw visits. How would they have bruises if they can't even move???????? Ahhhh!!!! I feel for these kids we're supposed to be helping.

Braeden is doing great. He must have been working on some teeth or something. He is fine now!

Yesterday I waited on pins and needles to find out about the 8 month old and what they had decided. Nothing. I called our cw today and found out that they ended up not having the meeting. I thought for sure it was yet another failed possibility, but, there is still a chance. The meeting has been changed until next Monday and the cw is really pushing for him to be moved. Another supervisor at the agency is in agreement, which means it LOOKS like it will go through. Whether that means they would move him Monday, or transition him, I don't know. That would most likely depend on the foster parent's attitude is my guess.

We are supposed to be visiting with Olivia's brother here for the weekend. Looking forward to seeing him. I haven't told her yet, you never know.

Here goes, this pic doesn't look great on my computer, I'm hoping it turns out great on yours.

Braeden scared me today. I had to check online to see when you should call the doctor. I should know that by now, but we really haven't had issues of that sort. He was running 103 degrees around noon, took Tylenol. At 3:30, it was 103.7, with the Tylenol still going. At 4:30, he was at 105!!!! Wow! Never had a child with that high of a fever, yes, I called the Dr. He said "I'm not lecturing you, but just so you know, high fevers happen. They come on unexpectedly and if you don't have other symptoms, just keep doing what you've been doing. You should put him in a luke warm bath and send someone for Motrin. If fever stays up the next 24 hrs. give me a call." Send someone for Motrin??? Mind you, we know our pediatrician outside the office as his family goes to our church. He HAS to know I'm a single parent. Oh well. I stuck the kids in the van, no shoes even (for them), drove the half mile to Walgreens, left them in the car (go ahead, call DCFS on me!), and got some Motrin. All I had at home was Tylenol, I thought I had Motrin, guess not. Motrin and Tylenol are great to alternate for fevers in case you didn't know. Motrin works better. Poor guy. He was just so lethargic, eyes watering, teeth chattering though he was burning up on his body. Needless to say tonight I put him down for bed a little early, not a peep. That's when I know he's sick! And tomorrow I'm supposed to be helping paint scenery for our church's production of "Your a Good Man Charlie Brown." They may be painting without me.

On other fronts, since I've been MIA on the blog front lately, nothing much going on. As far as sis, DCFS has decided to close the case. What case? They never really had a case. Unreal. My agency is calling the State's Attourney as soon as the paperwork comes in that they have officially closed it. It AT LEAST needs to be open to check up on her and make sure things are ok. AT LEAST.

We had our home visit yesterday and I was hit with another "possibility." I hate possibilities!!! Well, I guess if they actually turned out I would love them, but since they usually don't, it just gets my hopes up. Anyway, this is for an 8 month old boy. He is most likely not returning home and is currently with a foster mom. My cw tells me she wanted to move him 2 months ago, but her supervisor is stalling. She feels that he is not in a very safe/good environment. In a foster home, go figure. I guess almost every time she goes there he has a bruise or something going on. That is still pretty young to be getting a lot of bruises. He's not walking or cruising yet even. So, they are finally having a big meeting about the situation on Monday and asked me if I would be interested should they decide to finally move him. I said YES! I know, if sis ends up coming here too it could be hairy, but I have to know God's plan will prevail. He knows I wouldn't say no to either of these situations and will give me only what I can handle. So, I've gone through all my 6-12 month boy things. Lucky thing is, if he really is 8 months (cws don't always have ages right) then he was born in Feb which is when Braeden was born. So I have things in his size in the right season. And when I saw the pile of 6-12 I couldn't believe it! What was I doing, outfitting a team!? Anyway, I'm excited and hopeful, we'll see.

Plus - October 30 is almost here! Braden's adoption day! Yay! :0)