Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Holidays

It must be the holidays. I'm not sure what else it could be at this point. What brings about some major hard feelings and incredible vulnerability.


If you're in the adoption community, if you've adopted or have friends who have adopted maybe you know what holidays sometimes bring in our kids from hard places.  We don't always view a lot of that around here, or at least haven't for a while, and for that I'm glad. But when it cones it hits hard and fast. And coming the two nights following the night I had Monday with Macy's revelation... Man, I'm ready for a break. Of every kind. 

I joke with friends about how there should be an ice cream truck that comes around after kids are in bed. For adults only. Maybe it will have a special frequency that is picked up by just our cell phones so children don't wake from their slumber!! How amazing!!! I think I would've gained fifty pounds though these three nights. 

Last night my 14 year old and I had a huge falling out. Huge. To the point where we were both a mess. She went to bed highly upset, I could barely sleep, and I felt myself slipping over the abyss of not being good enough. I was believing a lot of the ugly she spewed at me. I was not in a good place and I'm sure she wasn't either.

This morning we were pleasant, even nice and the day got off ok. Tonight... I can't even describe it. And I won't share details because it's her story and not mine. Suffice it to say we had an amazing conversation. First about last night. Then about so much more. So very much more. 


She shared things with me that I had no clue of. Things she's never spoken of before. Things from before she came to live with me - details I had not before heard. Things you wouldn't believe. Things she deals with to this day that she's never mentioned. Daily thoughts, fears, where a lot of her anxiety comes from, and so much more. 

I treasure this. I'm blessed she opened up to me. Isn't this how things often happen. We go through rough patches, come out on the other side and are stronger for it. The lows of last night have given way to clarity.

A clarity I wish wasn't needed. 
I wish beyond all, that my children never had to go through what they have, and that I could take all the hurt from them. 
I wish I could 'make it all better.' 


But I can listen. 
I can be there to hear it: the good, the bad, the downright ugly, the confessions, the celebrations. 
And that's where I need to focus.

My heart grieves all she's lost.
But where last night I wallowed in self doubt, tonight I grieve for my child.

She is so very strong. I look up to her more than any other person I know. 
All she's endured. And yet her faith is solid. Her morals unwavering. I fall short of who she herself strives to be. She will do mighty things in her lifetime.

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About Me

I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!


Olivia - 14

Olivia - 14

Braeden - 11

Braeden - 11

Liam - 9

Liam - 9

Macy - 5

Macy - 5

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What you should know about HIV

-HIV can NOT be spread through casual/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging, kissing, shaking hands, sharing toys, sneezing, coughing, sharing food, sharing drinks, bathing, swimming or any other casual way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles). - HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives. - People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do. Additional information on transmission of HIV can be found on the Center for Disease Control website: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources

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Orphan Crisis

• 147 million orphans in the world
• 50 million orphans in Africa 
• Every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS
• 16,000,000 have been orphaned by AIDS
• Every week, AIDS claims as many lives as American fatalities in the Vietnam War
• 854 million people do not have enough to eat
• Malnutrition is associated with the deaths of 5 million children under the age of five
• Every 2 seconds an orphan dies from malnutrition


Hence the title of my blog

Little Did I Know

Little did I know that the road would be so rocky
Little did I know that the trip would take so long
Little did I know that my heart could hurt so much
Little did I know that God is never wrong

Little did I know that love could be so powerful
Little did I know that a dream so far could go
Little did I know that God would place the right ones
Little did I know that my heart, so large, could grow

Little did I know that a dream has it’s own timing
Little did I know that this day would finally come
Little did I know that four souls would be sent to guide me
Little did I know that they would choose to call me mom

But God knew all along and He had a plan to follow
God knew all along that my dream would soon come true
God knew all along that we five should be together
God knew all along that I’d share it all with you