It hit me today the progress Olivia has made in the past few years.

Often kids with attachment issues use special days - for others - such as birthdays, etc as a means to control. They wreck the day on purpose so that the other person, child, whoever, isn't receiving the bulk of the attention.

This USED to describe my Olivia.

A few years ago we had a year of birthday He*ll, to put it mildly. Every. Single. Birthday. that was NOT hers, was sabotaged. She acted up, was mean, you name it, but it got the attention off the birthday person and onto herself, be it negative or not. It was a way for her to control the situation.

There are many explanations and reasonings surrounding these behaviors in children from trauma. And believe me I've read up on most of them.

But today it really hit me that we haven't seen these birthday behaviors from her for a while now, and I somehow missed that.

Olivia has been excited for the boys as we prepared for their days. She took time to pick out a nice outfit yesterday to wear when T and the kids came over to have cake and ice cream. She exuberantly yelled Happy Birthday to each on the morning of their big day. She praised Braeden's birthday meal choice today as we munched on wings and apples. :)

And I know yesterday was very hard for her. It's hard for her to see Braeden connect with his bio brother and sister, when she has an older brother that we rarely get to talk to let alone see. A brother she lived with until she was almost 4. A brother who was her one constant those four years, her protector of sorts, her family. And she misses him desperately. And she was hurt just a few days ago when she spoke with him on the phone and he told her he'd call back that evening... and we still haven't heard back from him. It's a long story, one better shared another time, with details left out to protect her privacy anyway, but suffice it to say, it was hard for her yesterday. And yet... and yet she played joyfully with J and L (Braeden's bio siblings), and yet she had a smile on her face that I believe reached her heart, and yet she was our lead singer of Happy Birthday when the candles were lit, and yet she DIDN'T have any meltdowns or tantrums or fights.

She's come a long way. Yes, we definitely have had progress, and it's GREAT to see and take notice of!