Tomorrow Olivia and I are having a "girls day." We're dropping Braeden at day care, then she will come with me for my last hour of "teaching" for the year. After that, we have an appointment to get her hair cut... finally. I have really put it off because I'm so nervous about what it will look like, but it's what she wants. Oh well. It'll grow. :) After the hair cut we're meeting up with a friend of mine from high school and her two daughters. We'll show them our (crazy) new house and then the five of us are going to lunch at Ryan's - Olivia's favorite restaurant! After lunch my friend is taking her daughters the rest of the way to visit with friends in Indiana and Olivia and I are going to see The Wild at the movie theater. She likes going to movies, but mostly she LOVES the popcorn!!! She is too funny. I guess it is just not the same out of the microwave at home! After the movie we'll hit a store or two and then head to gymnastics. Braeden will finally be picked up after her gymnastics class. :) Should be lots of fun!

I mean, how many things can be thrown in your path when all you want to do is legally adopt the precious child who has been placed with you for over two years? Come on... it feels like for every one step forward there has to be two more back!

I just talked with Olivia's cw. She is the one who is doing the subsidy paperwork for Braeden's adoption. She had switched not long ago to working part time and primarily doing subsidies. She just told me that when she got to work this morning she was told that today was her last day!!! What??!!

Now, in a way, that's good news. She is an awesome person, who, while single had six children: biological, adoptive, and one foster. She was recently married and went to part time work with the agency. We've wanted to be "friends" and hang out, etc. for some time, but weren't able to due to our working relationship. So, now we'll be able to see each other outside the "job."

BUT - she doesn't know who will now be doing Braeden's subsidy paperwork. She also told me that a cw of Braeden's, 2 cws ago, was supposed to give me a questionnaire to fill out to begin my adoptive homestudy, but never did. So, I have paperwork to fill out that could have been done months ago, and once they figure out WHO is doing the subsidy work, that will have to get started, and completed, and sent in, etc. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Seriously, how many tests in patience does one person need?????

To answer a question - the "wagon" I was talking about was a kids pull along wagon! :) Not a car. :0) It's a Radio Flyer, LOVE it!!! It's a "regular" wagon, but then you can pull up each side of the bottom to make two "seats" with seat belts, cup holders, the works. Gotta love the seat belts. :)

Whew... What a weekend! Crazy, but fun, was the theme of the day. With such high temperatures all of a sudden, we had a lot of fun playing outside each day.

Friday night we ended up able to pick up Olivia's brother, J2, earlier than we had planned. He did well. There were a couple times he "shut down," but all in all it went really well.

Sat morning, with J2 still here, my friend T came over with Braeden's brother and sister. What a crew! We all went to lunch together and then drove the 1 1/2 hours up to drop off J2 with the transporter. Turning around in the parking lot, we drove straight back and picked up a friend of mine to attend an anniversary party. After returning home and showing my friend around the new place, the kids and I went for a walk in our new wagon! It even has seatbelts so Braeden won't be able to take off on us! :)

Sunday brought church and a day of playing outside in the little pool.

Monday we went up to Lincoln Park Zoo (free entrance fee, but do you think we found a free parking spot - oh no!). Of course Braeden's favorite part was the farm!!! I was surprised though that on such a hot day they didn't have the little jets of water going for the kids to play in. Maybe next time. After leaving the zoo we drove south a ways toward my friend T's. We were invited for BBQ! We spent a little time tooling around Toys R Us before we had to be at T's. We then got to their house and had major amounts of food while the kids played like crazy.

So much fun in such a short time!!!

We are now looking ahead excitedly to Saturday - when we pick up Grandma from the airport. My mom and dad live in Florida, where they retired after teaching. She'll be with us until June 23rd, when Grandpa will fly in to join us. We will be going to a family reunion out of town for the weekend. Then they will fly back the 27th. My mom and I will be spending lots of time peeling wallpaper border and painting!!!

I am so sick and tired of the lack of, or mis-, communication within this lovely system. I am with Julie on that! I have had too many instances to name of miscommunication, or no communication! Right now I'm frustrated that the caseworker who is supposed to visit our home once a week and has a set day and time, has completely missed the last two without calling and I have been the one to have to call the agency and get it reset. Right now I could really have used that extra hour or so I could have kept them at day care those days in order to unpack and move things into the house. In addition, we are "supposed" to be driving an hour and a half tonight to pick up J's brother for an overnight visit. His caseworker, with a different agency, said the transporters would be calling me to set up times and meeting places. Yeah, right. I have heard from no one. I know we're supposed to pick him up around 5, but have no idea where. I know that tomorrow will probably be a drop off time of around 1, but no idea where or for sure when. I called their agency yesterday and left a message, no response. I told Braeden's caseworker yesterday who didn't seem real concerned. I called and left a message for Olivia's caseworker this morning but she isn't in yet (It's still early) and don't know what she can really do anyway. Unreal! I am not driving an hour and a half to a suburb of Chicago without knowing a time and place to meet!!!!!! So frustrating! Sorry - had to vent! :0)

Now that B and J are (almost) finished with termination, and adoption, we've started to change over their names.

Their new names will be: Braeden Lucas and Olivia J...

As I stated previously, I've called B, Braeden at home off and on since he was born. We are now calling him Braeden B so that he and others can get used to the "new" name and will then drop the B and just call him Braeden. Lucas is a special family name. J has known since she came to live with me that this is why I would call him Braeden at home on occasion. She has talked for a year of changing her name too. I kept putting her off to make sure she understood what that meant. She was emphatic, so I choose 6 names I loved, and she in turn found one to call her own: Olivia. We are keeping J as her middle name. As soon as termination happens for her we will begin calling her J Olivia to transition to her new name as well.

So, long story short I will begin calling them by their new names in my blogs.

Well, since B is officially terminated, and J is only a month or two away, I have decided to post their picture. This is my favorite one right now.

So... Meet Braeden Lucas and Olivia J...

My two, very soon to be legal, children! :)

We finally have our first TPR court date for J!!! Yesterday, the date of June 27 was set for the unfitness hearing. After that will come best interest and then termination. We're on our way! Adoption, here we come!

Well, we are finally in our new place. I LOVE it!!! It is going to be so great for so many reasons. And if you read my last post, you can tell the kids, especially B, love it too.

The one thing that will be difficult to get used to is the fact that I now will be living in the city where I teach. I already had two 6th grade girls who came over to "visit" as I was hauling stuff in after they were home from school. One family lives right across the street from me. I have two of their kids in Language Arts and Study Hall, one being one of the girls who stopped over. My life will essentially be under a microscope. And not from always the best of people. Such is the one drawback of living where I am.

The only bad thing from yesterday's experience, aside from the fact that the closing to sell mine took almost two hours and the closing for my new one took 15 min!, was that I ended up with about half the money I thought I would after the completion of the sale ( minus my new downpayment and paying off a loan ). So I'm back to refiguring and working on deciding what I absolutely need at this point in time - such as finishing the fence in the back yard to allow the kids free reign without my worry of them ending up floating away in the river that is very close by! I also am in NEED (no matter what some may think) of putting in a dishwasher. I did not have one in this last house and while it wasn't a big deal with just me, with kids in the mix it's a nightmare. There are always dishes to be done, especially cups it seems! Beyond that, curtains and a little tikes picnic table that I wanted, etc, I'm waiting and will get things once in a while as time goes by.

But the house itself is great. It'll take a while yet to unpack the POD and get everything situated, not to mention the removal of wallpaper border in 5 rooms (I am just not a wall paper person!), painting, etc, but we're on our way. Can't wait to see what the future holds!

B says the funniest things right now! Two examples from the past few days:

We were driving in our loaner car (since the van is in the collision shop after my little accident a little while ago) and there are not tinted windows in the back like ours. The sun was in his eyes and he was doing everything to let us know he was not happy about it. It then went behind a cloud and B said, "Goodbye sun! See you tomorrow!"

The other happened this morning and while it was frustrating at the time, it was also cute. We finally moved to our new house yesterday. Upon leaving this morning, B broke out into the most pitiful crying episode, screaming "New house!" He was not happy to leave his new place!

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers. No matter your status: with children, waiting for children, pregnant, fostering, whatever the situation, this is for you. The following was sent to me by someone at work. It is a wonderful testament to mothers everywhere...

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers intheir arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherryKool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat inrocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't becomforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see.
And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand) mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomachaches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or children, and gave their time, attention, and love... sometimes totally unappreciated!

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their14-year-olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the backof a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...And mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. For all of us. Hang in there.

In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray.

Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."

Well, God certainly has had His hand in things here in the last day! Yesterday as of 2pm I still had not heard a thing about the closing on my house, that was originally to be today. My realtor thought it may not be going through at all. At 2pm I sent out an email to friends and family asking for prayer for the situation. In the email I asked that they pray for any type of financing to make this happen. I also stated that we hoped to be in our new home within the week. Remember, this was sent Thursday. At 2:30, just 30 min later, I received a phone call from my realtor. She said she couldn't believe it, but the sale and closing were going through, but not until next Thursday. I said, that's fine, I don't care, we can do a week. A week! It hit me that that is exactly what I had prayed. All day long I had worked on being patient and remembering God was in control, not me. My realtor then told me that my buyer's lender had had 24 Ameridream loans they were trying to push through. 22 ended up going through, mine had NOT been one of them. They were calling everyone they could think of and finally were able to get the buyers other financing! Exactly what I had prayed - again! My realtor was even told that this was "a miracle." And that's just what it was!!!!!

6 more days and counting...

The past day and a half has been a rollercoaster ride I want to get off of - and I LOVE rollercoasters normally! Starting from receiving the phone call about B's appeal being denied I thought: I'm on cloud nine, nothing else means anything, etc.

That afternoon, five minutes before picking up the kids from day care, three days before we were to move on Friday, I got A CALL. The kind of call I have not had for over a year since Jcame to live with me. The kind of call I had been itching for in the last couple months. A call for a placement. A two year old girl. Oh My Gosh! I wanted to say yes in a heartbeat. I wanted to, I wanted to, I couldn't. Not with having nothing in our house. Not with having my minivan packed to the max in preparation for the move and no room for a third car seat. Not today. I called back to say no, after the most agonizing ten minutes I've had in a long time. Ended up they didn't need the placement after all. My agency was secondary, another was first, and they ended up finding a placement for her.

Whew! I thought what a lot to thing through in one day. (There is also something else going on that I'm not really at liberty to talk through over the internet, sorry. :( ) But, then, Wednesday brought even more.

We had our home visit with B's cw on Wednesday. She told me that they may have a "possibility" for me. Now, I've had a couple other "possibilities" before. You get your hopes up, start thinking about where they'd sleep, what clothes you have that might fit them, how they would "fit" in your family, etc. You start to bond with a child you know absolutely nothing about other than their age and gender. Crazy, but it happens. So, while I'm not convinced this will definately happen, I do have hopes, I can't deny it.

The cw told me that they had a newborn come into care. The newborn boy was placed with a relative. That relative placement already has three of their siblings. A 9 MONTH old!!! And while I was in shock from her telling me that, she said the ages of the other two which I didn't quite hear, but am pretty sure they are both under 6. So now they have a newborn, a 9 month old, and two others under 6! She said that the agency doesn't think it will probably work out due to the other three they already have. She and J's cw have already talked about how I was hoping for another baby. So... We'll see. :0) Perfect case scenario would be for them to try it for a month and then decide they can't do best for him due to the situation and then call me in June. That way school is over and we're in the new house. But I won't hold my breath - not too much anyway! :)

Ok, so then when I was practically on cloud nine thinking B and J are headed to adoption, I may get a new baby, etc. the dreaded phone just has to ring. My realtor. She said she had some bad news and the closing will not be happening on Friday. WHAT???

The people buying my house are going through FHA with the Ameridream program. Yesterday Ameridream put a freeze on all money going out. While I could understand freezing money for new people just applying for financing, how on earth can you justify freezing money for people you have already approved and are about to close??? My realtor is supposed to find out more today. She said they will let some through to continue but we're not sure who yet and Friday will NOT happen no matter what. They are hoping to get it to go through by Monday. So, we have clothes through Sat, no food, hardly anything at all in the house, I've already sold the dryer, and my van, packed to the max I tell you, is supposed to go into the shop Monday to be repaired. Pray we can close Monday!!! It not only affects me, but the people whose house I'm buying and the house they are buying. The family currently in the house I'm buying also has two small children so I'm sure they're in a similar boat. I know it's not my fault, but I feel terrible.

What on earth will today bring???

The best voice mail message I've ever received - "Hello, I'm just calling to let you know we found out today that B's appeal has been dismissed." !!! Done !!! As in, parental rights are no more, as in I can officially adopt him, as in we can start calling him by his soon-to-be-new name, as in YAYYYYYYYY!!!

After then speaking to his newest caseworker, she tells me that they happened to find this out yesterday in court for another case. The judge was asked about B's case and he said, "Oh, yes, we've had that decision done since February." FEBRUARY!? Are you KIDDING??? Two and a half months ago this decision was made: February 24, 2006. Which means that had we found out then we could have finished the subsidy paperwork, sent it in, waited the 4-6 weeks it usually takes and be getting it back by now. I would have been able to submit it this week to get an adoption date!!! And now, now it will most likely be mid to late July or early August that we get it back from the state!!! AHHHHHH!!!

But, the silver lining, I DO know that it is finished, I DO know that he is MINE! :)

Well we had our first (and hopefully last!) issue with stealing over the weekend. As I was doing our final loads of laundry in our current house, I discovered a pony tail holder and play doll baby key which I knew were definately not ours. After J was up from her nap I told her I had found something in her pockets while doing laundry that I knew she had taken from somewhere because they weren't ours. I reminded her how important telling the truth is, especially to family, and that I wanted her to be able to tell me how these items got into her pocket. I showed them to her and she was immediately weepy and said that they were from day care. I looked her right in the eyes and told her how proud I was that she told me the truth. I then asked her why she took them, and she said that she wanted ones like that. We discussed want and need and all the fun things we already have. I let her know she would need to give them back on Monday, telling day care what had happened and that it will not happen again. I again praised her for telling the truth and talking to me about it. I know that this is a pretty age appropriate thing, but also want to be sure to handle it right the first time so that hopefully it won't happen again. We'll see... :)

Only one more week until we move!!! I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to this! Not just to get out of our now practically empty house, but also to "start" our new phase of our life. This move seems like the beginning of so very much. A new school district for J to begin kindergarten in, a great neighborhood with parks, etc, a "new" house without all the updating to finish, a "real" family area, etc. Just so many things to look forward to.

And, I must admit, I'm excited about decorating again. B's room will pretty much be the same as it is now since it was JUST redone: his cute new dino quilt from grandma and grandpa, red sheets, blue IKEA bed, dresser, and shelves, khaki/tan walls, red IKEA curtains. Very boyish!

J's room will be completely different: it is now all Wizard of Oz. I had painted huge coloring book pages on the walls (apple tree, wizard in balloon, flying monkey, and lots of flowers) in preparation for kids, the floor is painted green (wood) with a yellow "brick" road, etc. The bunkbeds are loft style and impossible for me to change the top one. We sold the bunks, bought her a gorgeous quilt at PBK (1/2 price!) and are going to do her new room around that. She LOVES red, but it was near impossible to find something girly that had red, so we did the next best thing and found a quilt that has a very dark pink, she actually kind of thinks it's red. We're going to pull the light green out of the quilt to do the walls and are buying white beds. Should look great.

The living room will have my three book shelves and table and chairs that match and are an antique stain (from IKEA again). The walls with be a "spa/robin's egg" blue. I want to then sometime get a brown leather loveseat and some kind of chair and table for a sitting area. We will mostly "live" in our basement/family room.

I can't wait!!! :) J has been a huge helper on what she thinks will look good (though it's mostly what I like, I think.) Maybe someday she will be the host of Trading Spaces or Sell That House! :)

Ahhh, siblings. I could write a book on this topic alone. This will be a long one, you may want to read this another time! :)

We'll start with B's side. As you may remember, B has a slightly older brother and sister who are with a friend of mine as foster children. They are going through the termination/adoption process at the same time as B. Since my friend has them, we see each other on occasion. She moved a bit farther north this past year which, when added to their incredibly busy lifestyle, has made it more difficult to see each other, but we do. In fact, we were just at their home yesterday. B's brother (J) turned five!!! I can't believe it! He was just this little 19 month old when she first got them. His sister (L) is now three!

I always knew that nature and nurture were both extremely important in personality development, but now I have witnessed first hand some interesting tidbits. As B has gotten into those perverbial "terrible twos" he has become quite strong-willed. You may giggle, but those who have been around him much know what I'm talking about. A friend and her husband came by with their one year old a few months ago to help plane the bottom of a couple doors in my house. B isn't used to other children in "his" home I guess, first thing he did was bite his nose!!! I couldn't believe it. He also hits, a lot. Now, I kept thinking, I know there are some pretty aggressive kids in his day care class, the pros and cons of day care, but what am I doing wrong??? Besides this one incident, if B does not get his way, right away, he looks you in the eye and hits the nearest thing, be it book, table, curtains, whatever. He has also been known to yell "Don't want it" if he is mad about a time out or having to give up on banging his horse into the very breakable glass window. I thought, what am I doing wrong???

Then we spent an afternoon a couple weeks ago with his brother and sister, J and L. :) Let me tell you, B has nothing on L! Whew! That girl gave me a run for my money and I wasn't even disciplining her! I really hope that we are able to head off a lot of what we saw out of her! Wow! Talk about a battle of wills! :) They sure do LOVE their little brother though! And although B does not truly understand that they are his siblings, he will. And hopefully we will continue with our friendship and ability to get the kids together.

NOW - J is a whole different story. You may remember she came to me with her older brother, J2. J2 had a lot of problems that really came out about two months into his placement. Bio mom had decided to come back to town and take up visits again after almost a year. We saw LOTS of acting out, in some pretty major ways, especially considering there was a 3 and 1 year old in home as well. As much as I understood this, I teach special education and deal with some pretty raw behaviors there too, it was difficult to deal with behaviors at school, and then also at home. With B becoming very scared and J being practically neglected of attention at times, it was not working. I unfortunately had to give notice, but did convey that J was doing well with us. I felt that if this was going to become a pattern for him it was unfair to place her in a position of losing placements due to his actions. At his second hospitalization, with notice turned in, they agreed, and made him specialized. He was then placed in July with a family almost three hours away.

We were all made aware that J and J2 would need lots of visits, probably two each month, since they were all each other had had for so very long. I was more than willing. This other family turned out to be just what he needed. Two parents, a male role model, three older siblings, and one his age. The first time we talked, that foster mom seemed great. She wanted them to keep in contact, even after the adoptions, etc.

The very first visit we scheduled, things started to unravel. At the beginning of August, we scheduled a visit for a Sat at the end of Aug. She had told me that she doesn't drive and that we would have to do them on weekends around her husband's schedule. I said that was perfect. The week before the visit I asked about plans for the visit and meeting halfway, which is a suburb of Chicago. She said that her husband was working and couldn't do it, but she would work something out. She then told her agency that I had cancelled at the last minute and the visit had changed and he needed transportation! Ended up her sister was coming even further south and we scheduled the visit at a McDonald's about 45 min from us. We drove there that day, waiting another 45 min and they never showed!!! I got home to two messages that they were running late and stuck in traffic. She hadn't called my cell and then didn't call back again.

Our agency had to step in. Long story short, we have had 3 visits since July!!! I sometimes have called with dates to be told she'll check the calendar and get back to me, with no return call, etc. I put together an entire packet of ideas for things to do halfway between us. Nothing. I finally drove the kids the whole 3 hours there and back for 1 visit and J's caseworker picked him up there for another. She then has told her agency a few times that she has left me messages and I don't return her calls!!!

So, now J2's agency is stepping in. We are doing two visits a month where I drive halfway and a transporter drives J2 halfway, the other foster family isn't doing anything. One Fri a month I will leave school, pick up my kids, drive 1 1/2 hours to pick up J2, go out to eat, and drive 1 1/2 hours back home. Only to then practically put them all to bed, have a visit the next day, and then drive him back 1 1/2 hours and then back home. So, 6 hours driving and - on a toll road - 12 tolls! Then the other weekend in the month we will just go up there for a few hours visit and come back, 3 hours and 6 tolls of driving. With gas prices and all... wow.

BUT - I have had people say I don't HAVE to do this, I'm letting them WALK all over me, etc. I guess some may look at it that way. BUT, J NEEDS to see J2. And I will do whatever I need to to be sure that happens. If visits right now are mandated and they're not happening, what on earth will happen when the adoptions go through???? She loves her brother. She needs to be connected to him however we can accomplish that.