The best voice mail message I've ever received - "Hello, I'm just calling to let you know we found out today that B's appeal has been dismissed." !!! Done !!! As in, parental rights are no more, as in I can officially adopt him, as in we can start calling him by his soon-to-be-new name, as in YAYYYYYYYY!!!

After then speaking to his newest caseworker, she tells me that they happened to find this out yesterday in court for another case. The judge was asked about B's case and he said, "Oh, yes, we've had that decision done since February." FEBRUARY!? Are you KIDDING??? Two and a half months ago this decision was made: February 24, 2006. Which means that had we found out then we could have finished the subsidy paperwork, sent it in, waited the 4-6 weeks it usually takes and be getting it back by now. I would have been able to submit it this week to get an adoption date!!! And now, now it will most likely be mid to late July or early August that we get it back from the state!!! AHHHHHH!!!

But, the silver lining, I DO know that it is finished, I DO know that he is MINE! :)

Well we had our first (and hopefully last!) issue with stealing over the weekend. As I was doing our final loads of laundry in our current house, I discovered a pony tail holder and play doll baby key which I knew were definately not ours. After J was up from her nap I told her I had found something in her pockets while doing laundry that I knew she had taken from somewhere because they weren't ours. I reminded her how important telling the truth is, especially to family, and that I wanted her to be able to tell me how these items got into her pocket. I showed them to her and she was immediately weepy and said that they were from day care. I looked her right in the eyes and told her how proud I was that she told me the truth. I then asked her why she took them, and she said that she wanted ones like that. We discussed want and need and all the fun things we already have. I let her know she would need to give them back on Monday, telling day care what had happened and that it will not happen again. I again praised her for telling the truth and talking to me about it. I know that this is a pretty age appropriate thing, but also want to be sure to handle it right the first time so that hopefully it won't happen again. We'll see... :)

Only one more week until we move!!! I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to this! Not just to get out of our now practically empty house, but also to "start" our new phase of our life. This move seems like the beginning of so very much. A new school district for J to begin kindergarten in, a great neighborhood with parks, etc, a "new" house without all the updating to finish, a "real" family area, etc. Just so many things to look forward to.

And, I must admit, I'm excited about decorating again. B's room will pretty much be the same as it is now since it was JUST redone: his cute new dino quilt from grandma and grandpa, red sheets, blue IKEA bed, dresser, and shelves, khaki/tan walls, red IKEA curtains. Very boyish!

J's room will be completely different: it is now all Wizard of Oz. I had painted huge coloring book pages on the walls (apple tree, wizard in balloon, flying monkey, and lots of flowers) in preparation for kids, the floor is painted green (wood) with a yellow "brick" road, etc. The bunkbeds are loft style and impossible for me to change the top one. We sold the bunks, bought her a gorgeous quilt at PBK (1/2 price!) and are going to do her new room around that. She LOVES red, but it was near impossible to find something girly that had red, so we did the next best thing and found a quilt that has a very dark pink, she actually kind of thinks it's red. We're going to pull the light green out of the quilt to do the walls and are buying white beds. Should look great.

The living room will have my three book shelves and table and chairs that match and are an antique stain (from IKEA again). The walls with be a "spa/robin's egg" blue. I want to then sometime get a brown leather loveseat and some kind of chair and table for a sitting area. We will mostly "live" in our basement/family room.

I can't wait!!! :) J has been a huge helper on what she thinks will look good (though it's mostly what I like, I think.) Maybe someday she will be the host of Trading Spaces or Sell That House! :)

Ahhh, siblings. I could write a book on this topic alone. This will be a long one, you may want to read this another time! :)

We'll start with B's side. As you may remember, B has a slightly older brother and sister who are with a friend of mine as foster children. They are going through the termination/adoption process at the same time as B. Since my friend has them, we see each other on occasion. She moved a bit farther north this past year which, when added to their incredibly busy lifestyle, has made it more difficult to see each other, but we do. In fact, we were just at their home yesterday. B's brother (J) turned five!!! I can't believe it! He was just this little 19 month old when she first got them. His sister (L) is now three!

I always knew that nature and nurture were both extremely important in personality development, but now I have witnessed first hand some interesting tidbits. As B has gotten into those perverbial "terrible twos" he has become quite strong-willed. You may giggle, but those who have been around him much know what I'm talking about. A friend and her husband came by with their one year old a few months ago to help plane the bottom of a couple doors in my house. B isn't used to other children in "his" home I guess, first thing he did was bite his nose!!! I couldn't believe it. He also hits, a lot. Now, I kept thinking, I know there are some pretty aggressive kids in his day care class, the pros and cons of day care, but what am I doing wrong??? Besides this one incident, if B does not get his way, right away, he looks you in the eye and hits the nearest thing, be it book, table, curtains, whatever. He has also been known to yell "Don't want it" if he is mad about a time out or having to give up on banging his horse into the very breakable glass window. I thought, what am I doing wrong???

Then we spent an afternoon a couple weeks ago with his brother and sister, J and L. :) Let me tell you, B has nothing on L! Whew! That girl gave me a run for my money and I wasn't even disciplining her! I really hope that we are able to head off a lot of what we saw out of her! Wow! Talk about a battle of wills! :) They sure do LOVE their little brother though! And although B does not truly understand that they are his siblings, he will. And hopefully we will continue with our friendship and ability to get the kids together.

NOW - J is a whole different story. You may remember she came to me with her older brother, J2. J2 had a lot of problems that really came out about two months into his placement. Bio mom had decided to come back to town and take up visits again after almost a year. We saw LOTS of acting out, in some pretty major ways, especially considering there was a 3 and 1 year old in home as well. As much as I understood this, I teach special education and deal with some pretty raw behaviors there too, it was difficult to deal with behaviors at school, and then also at home. With B becoming very scared and J being practically neglected of attention at times, it was not working. I unfortunately had to give notice, but did convey that J was doing well with us. I felt that if this was going to become a pattern for him it was unfair to place her in a position of losing placements due to his actions. At his second hospitalization, with notice turned in, they agreed, and made him specialized. He was then placed in July with a family almost three hours away.

We were all made aware that J and J2 would need lots of visits, probably two each month, since they were all each other had had for so very long. I was more than willing. This other family turned out to be just what he needed. Two parents, a male role model, three older siblings, and one his age. The first time we talked, that foster mom seemed great. She wanted them to keep in contact, even after the adoptions, etc.

The very first visit we scheduled, things started to unravel. At the beginning of August, we scheduled a visit for a Sat at the end of Aug. She had told me that she doesn't drive and that we would have to do them on weekends around her husband's schedule. I said that was perfect. The week before the visit I asked about plans for the visit and meeting halfway, which is a suburb of Chicago. She said that her husband was working and couldn't do it, but she would work something out. She then told her agency that I had cancelled at the last minute and the visit had changed and he needed transportation! Ended up her sister was coming even further south and we scheduled the visit at a McDonald's about 45 min from us. We drove there that day, waiting another 45 min and they never showed!!! I got home to two messages that they were running late and stuck in traffic. She hadn't called my cell and then didn't call back again.

Our agency had to step in. Long story short, we have had 3 visits since July!!! I sometimes have called with dates to be told she'll check the calendar and get back to me, with no return call, etc. I put together an entire packet of ideas for things to do halfway between us. Nothing. I finally drove the kids the whole 3 hours there and back for 1 visit and J's caseworker picked him up there for another. She then has told her agency a few times that she has left me messages and I don't return her calls!!!

So, now J2's agency is stepping in. We are doing two visits a month where I drive halfway and a transporter drives J2 halfway, the other foster family isn't doing anything. One Fri a month I will leave school, pick up my kids, drive 1 1/2 hours to pick up J2, go out to eat, and drive 1 1/2 hours back home. Only to then practically put them all to bed, have a visit the next day, and then drive him back 1 1/2 hours and then back home. So, 6 hours driving and - on a toll road - 12 tolls! Then the other weekend in the month we will just go up there for a few hours visit and come back, 3 hours and 6 tolls of driving. With gas prices and all... wow.

BUT - I have had people say I don't HAVE to do this, I'm letting them WALK all over me, etc. I guess some may look at it that way. BUT, J NEEDS to see J2. And I will do whatever I need to to be sure that happens. If visits right now are mandated and they're not happening, what on earth will happen when the adoptions go through???? She loves her brother. She needs to be connected to him however we can accomplish that.