Tuesday, September 08, 2015


At night we have a 'routine' like many do. My two youngest go to bed first since their bodies need more sleep than their siblings. And although we are working on other arrangements, they both sleep in mom's room currently. Not ideal but it is what it is. But that's another post. :)

When they go to bed I lay with them until they're asleep. Liam on the other side of my bed, and Macy in her toddler bed nearby.  I have a playlist of songs on my phone we listen to as they fall asleep. The first song is from the musical Finding Neverland and it's called Believe.  

Tonight as I was laying there, waiting for their bodies and minds to calm, a few lines from this song hit home to me.

A piece of this song says:
It’s so frustrating when no one else sees everything you see
So for now it is just an illusion, confusion
Unless it’s someone who believes

Today was a rough day. 
It was rough this morning when my youngest said and did some mean things to her 9 year old brother. 
It continued when I had a not so great encounter with a coworker. 
It faltered more after lunch when Liam began melting down. His allergy meds were wearing off and he was hot and exhausted. No excuses but all that played into the next two hours of him refusing, crying, and just altogether having a hard afternoon. We are working on the mom/teacher thing but it's not easy.
The day progressed with hearing from Braeden (during school) and later his teacher, concerning the rough day HE was having. Along with the ominous phrase the teacher spoke saying he wasn't sure "what was going to happen from here."  (Just WHAT did THAT mean? - and I couldn't ask questions about the day because Braeden was in my classroom at the time of the phone call which would have escalated him again.)
And... I still had my classroom open house that evening.  Oye Vey!

Three of my four kids today were in places in their hearts and heads that were not their norm. 
They do NOT always act this way. 
They do not always choose this behavior they are actively engaging in. 
Sometimes?  Yes.  They are not angels.  And I am not naive enough to believe that ALL of their behavior is out of their control.  Today was not the norm.

For those who parent kids from hard places, you may be able to look past these behaviors and search for the meaning, try to figure out the cry that is at the root of what is being shown outwardly. For the majority, for many I work with, many who work with my children, many I am friends with, even if I try to explain Braeden's anxiety, Olivia's or Liam's past, Macy's heart, it's all an 'illusion.' They see the behavior as good or bad. As all in that child's control. And that child is then judged accordingly, and myself right along with them because I'm the parent.  And some comments from those I work with, work for, am friends with, don't go unnoticed.

I have a few good friends who see past these behaviors to my kids themselves.  And for that I am grateful.  For others.  For those who work with kids LIKE my own.  I WISH that you could see and know this child.  These children.  
I wish you could see Braeden's generous heart.  His overwhelming sensitivity for others, for those who are put in hard circumstances.  His thoughtfulness.
I wish you could know what my kids have gone through in their short lives.  Things you would cringe over if you heard the descriptions.  Things you wouldn't even know how to respond to.  And yet they are expected to react to stressful situations and circumstances with grace and calm.
I wish you could have the pleasure to see the joy on the face of a 9 year old who has finally grasped the concept of reading after years of work.  
I wish you could see through new eyes the amazement of an automatic bathroom faucet and how water - clean, safe water - comes out at the touch of a button.
I wish you could hear a 14 year old who talks about being thankful for being adopted out of her past circumstances and not knowing where her life would be without that journey.
I wish you could hear my "rough, hard to handle" 11 year old tell you daily how beautiful you are, how much he loves you, how 'not' old you are when you are complaining about your eyesight or health.

It’s so frustrating when no one else sees everything you see
So for now it is just an illusion, confusion
Unless it’s someone who believes


ddbush said...

You are blessed with the ability to express your feelings so well. Unfortunately for me, I'm totally the opposite!

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About Me

I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!

Olivia - 14

Olivia - 14

Braeden - 11

Braeden - 11

Liam - 9

Liam - 9

Macy - 5

Macy - 5

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What you should know about HIV

-HIV can NOT be spread through casual/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging, kissing, shaking hands, sharing toys, sneezing, coughing, sharing food, sharing drinks, bathing, swimming or any other casual way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles). - HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives. - People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do. Additional information on transmission of HIV can be found on the Center for Disease Control website: http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources

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Little did I know that a dream has it’s own timing
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But God knew all along and He had a plan to follow
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