Friday, July 22, 2011


We live in a culture of "invincibility thinking." Or... "It's not going to happen to me." "I'm not going to get hurt." "I'll be just fine." ... Etc.

There may be break through moments of reality where you see the true humanness of each of us. Red blood running down a child's leg after they fall from their bike. An elderly relative who passes away. A day of the 24 hour flu. But... each of those fleetingly passes by our consciousness. The leg wound get cleaned up, bandaged, and is all better in no time. The relative is near that age where people do pass away, and although sad, it "fits". They are sorely missed, but soon we are back to our norm. The feelings during the day of flu fun are deep, but they are forgotten as the flu subsides as quickly as it came.

Recently I set up our new crib in my bedroom. I know that when our new little one finally does come home, we will spend weeks and months working on bonding and attachment. One way we're going to facilitate that bond is by having her sleep in my room. I set up the crib as a day bed and will be pushing it up against my bed so that I am right there if she has trouble during the night.

I set it up early though. Because it's now Liam's bed; at least currently. I am now daily, hourly, sometimes by the minute, reminded of our mortality. Of the lack of "control" we really have as to what happens to us, as if I ever really had control before anyway. I am reminded every time Liam is quiet for even a few seconds in the car and I have to turn around to be sure he's not having a seizure. I'm reminded when my heart RACES every time he seems to be having one, when his eyes stare just a little too long without blinking, when I hear a funny sound from him, when he doesn't answer me when I call, and when I finally realize he's ok. And I'm thankful for those "ok's" because I know that sometime soon it won't be ok, it will be another seizure.

In our van Liam sits in the row behind me and just to the right. I am CONSTANTLY looking back on him. When we go to a movie he stares, a lot, and I will ask him what he thinks, or give him a tickle, to be sure he's ok. At night I check him when I go to bed. I check him when I hear a funny sound and/or no movement (if he's moving anything I know he's not having a seizure). I worry if he's not around for a couple of minutes. I worry when I see him asleep like this...

It's constant worry. Constant reminder of what "could be".

And yet, too, I know that this isn't much compared to what many families endure. Are enduring. And I have even more sympathy for them than I ever was able to before. And I pray for them. For us. For any parent having to go through watching their child go through something that we just can't control, can't help, can only watch and be there for.

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About Me

I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!

Olivia - 14

Olivia - 14

Braeden - 11

Braeden - 11

Liam - 9

Liam - 9

Macy - 5

Macy - 5

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What you should know about HIV

-HIV can NOT be spread through casual/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging, kissing, shaking hands, sharing toys, sneezing, coughing, sharing food, sharing drinks, bathing, swimming or any other casual way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles). - HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives. - People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do. Additional information on transmission of HIV can be found on the Center for Disease Control website:

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Orphan Crisis

• 147 million orphans in the world
• 50 million orphans in Africa 
• Every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS
• 16,000,000 have been orphaned by AIDS
• Every week, AIDS claims as many lives as American fatalities in the Vietnam War
• 854 million people do not have enough to eat
• Malnutrition is associated with the deaths of 5 million children under the age of five
• Every 2 seconds an orphan dies from malnutrition

Hence the title of my blog

Little Did I Know

Little did I know that the road would be so rocky
Little did I know that the trip would take so long
Little did I know that my heart could hurt so much
Little did I know that God is never wrong

Little did I know that love could be so powerful
Little did I know that a dream so far could go
Little did I know that God would place the right ones
Little did I know that my heart, so large, could grow

Little did I know that a dream has it’s own timing
Little did I know that this day would finally come
Little did I know that four souls would be sent to guide me
Little did I know that they would choose to call me mom

But God knew all along and He had a plan to follow
God knew all along that my dream would soon come true
God knew all along that we five should be together
God knew all along that I’d share it all with you