Saturday, February 20, 2010

Update on Foster Care...

Well, it seems that quite a pandora's box has been opened, and I think this agency is finding out what this family can be/is like. Here's what I've come to find out the last two days...

My friend T says that (this is the most she's ever discussed the adoption to me) the adoption was never a "rush" to her because it was just a piece of paper solidifying what was already a given... that they were her children. So, each time the agency (and it took a while to "re-do" all the paperwork and "start over" with a new worker and agency when the kids were made specialized and transferred after the TPR), would present the adoption subsidy paperwork to her to sign, which was already sporadic at best as she was usually the one calling them to do a home visit, etc, there was always something wrong or not included that she felt needed to be included. Each of the kids have multiple "issues" that she wanted to make sure were documented and covered. If something isn't put in the subsidy, then there is no guarantee that it will be covered and could be major out of pocket dollars at some point. So she wouldn't sign, and asked that it be completed with the information she requested. I do "get" that, if that is truly what was going on. It took an additional year for Olivia's subsidy to get done due to these same issues, because my agency refused to put ANYTHING about her HIV in the subsidy which I found ludicrous, BUT I still think theyir adoptions should have been done long ago.

So, now to the present, the parents somehow found out from someone that the kids weren't yet adopted, as we know, and decided to "do something about it." I think they had the adult siblings contact the agency though because they really don't have a leg to stand on with termination already done. So, the sibs contacted the agency on the pretense that they wanted to visit with their siblings since they weren't adopted yet and hadn't seen them since they were babies. The worker felt sorry for them (I again can totally understand this) and agreed to do a visit yesterday, and at that time talk about possible additional visits. This is all within the agency's realm.

The agency neglected to talk to my friend T about this at all until two days before; this past Wednesday. My friend brought up concerns obviously and due to a needed change in day on the family's part, the visit/meeting was moved to Thursday, two days ago. In the meantime, the sibs were adding to the list of who would be attending this visit/meeting. They were now planning on bringing aunts, uncles, and maybe even the parents. Because of this and the change in day, the agency ended up not bringing the kids to the meeting/visit.

The family was irrate and furious. Not only due to the non-adoption but now also because they had been told that the children would be there and they weren't (I completely understand this and would feel the same I'm sure.) They told the agency that they had hired a private investigator and would be taking T and whoever else to court to stop this adoption. They made MANY threats and the agency has now decided it is probably not in the children's interest to do visits.

When the kids' termination was around the corner, T and I both had to have orders of protection due to threats made in the courtroom. Because of all of this, my friend has never shared any info electronically at all of her kids. The family knows her, knows her name, etc. She moved out of this area to her hometown about 30 minutes north. She has been very careful. They had never met me due to these same concerns. When Braeden was first placed with me, I was told up front I should never meet them. The caseworker had to call security to just get him out of the hospital safely and to make sure she wasn't followed to my home. The family can be dangerous.

I am still hoping to hear what is going on with all of this. I am thankful that the visit did not end up taking place and believe that God intervened in this area for these kids. I do not think it would have done them any good when the motives were not at all pure. I am now extremely leery of contact, even a PO Box, myself, but am not withdrawing that option and will leave it in God's hands. I still think it would be good for Braeden now and in the future to have a photo, some contact, etc. And I will continue to pray for the family. I know God can work miracles. And I know He can do miraculous things. I have no trouble believing that they could do a 180 on their lives.

I thank you all so much for the supportive emails and comments! Prayers are definately still needed as T is very concerned for the safety of the children. The family now knows her new town. She is living in a primarily white area and it would be quite easy for them to sit outside the elemetary school and wait for two black children to walk out, then follow them home. It's sad, but it's true, and it's scary.

Again, I place it all in God's hands. Not for an outcome, but for the children. For their protection, for their safety, for their stability and security. They are dear to me and I don't wish to see them hurt for anything.

Thanks again!


Wow is all I can say. I will keep T and the kids in my prayers. I hope and pray that she can adopt them before its too late.

~Stephanie said...

WOW... I'll be praying for T and the kids.

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About Me

I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!

Olivia - 14

Olivia - 14

Braeden - 11

Braeden - 11

Liam - 9

Liam - 9

Macy - 5

Macy - 5

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What you should know about HIV

-HIV can NOT be spread through casual/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging, kissing, shaking hands, sharing toys, sneezing, coughing, sharing food, sharing drinks, bathing, swimming or any other casual way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles). - HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives. - People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do. Additional information on transmission of HIV can be found on the Center for Disease Control website:

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Orphan Crisis

• 147 million orphans in the world
• 50 million orphans in Africa 
• Every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS
• 16,000,000 have been orphaned by AIDS
• Every week, AIDS claims as many lives as American fatalities in the Vietnam War
• 854 million people do not have enough to eat
• Malnutrition is associated with the deaths of 5 million children under the age of five
• Every 2 seconds an orphan dies from malnutrition

Hence the title of my blog

Little Did I Know

Little did I know that the road would be so rocky
Little did I know that the trip would take so long
Little did I know that my heart could hurt so much
Little did I know that God is never wrong

Little did I know that love could be so powerful
Little did I know that a dream so far could go
Little did I know that God would place the right ones
Little did I know that my heart, so large, could grow

Little did I know that a dream has it’s own timing
Little did I know that this day would finally come
Little did I know that four souls would be sent to guide me
Little did I know that they would choose to call me mom

But God knew all along and He had a plan to follow
God knew all along that my dream would soon come true
God knew all along that we five should be together
God knew all along that I’d share it all with you