Thursday, November 09, 2006

Visits

I forgot how much I really dislike (or should I say hate) bio parent visits. Maybe I blocked it out. I now am remembering things like when Braeden was given grapefruit juice at a supervised visit when he was like 3 months old. Who do you think was the one dealing with a sick child the rest of the day? Not the bio parents! Or when the current caseworker told the daycare she was just going to let him ride up front with her because he was cranky. Are you kidding???

Anyway, Little One had his first bio visits since being with me this week. He has one on Wednesdays with mom and one on Thursdays with dad. Crazy thing is, everyone pretty much knows he is not bio dad, but I guess it still has to be proven. Put it this way, you can clearly tell Little One is NOT made of the genes from this person.

Another thing: Who the heck schedules visits for an infant from 1:30-3:00 pm!!!??? Hello!!! Have you never heard of naps? A little thing called sleep? The fact that infants not only need 11 hours of sleep per night, but ALSO two naps!!!??? That is prime napping time!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!

And then you have the, what I consider to be "games" of the bio parent visits. Such as: Foster mom put him in this cute outfit, but I bought this one and am putting it on him myself right now. Come on! At least Little One's outfit fits the current season, though, I'll give them that! Braeden was put into shorts and a tshirt in the middle of the Arctic winter!

So, daycare provider and I are trying to get him an earlier afternoon nap on visit days, yeah right, and I am creating two bins: one labeled mom and the other dad. These will hold those lovely outfits he returns from visits in and will then be put right back on him the next week for the next visit. You want to see him in that? Fine. But do you really have to change his clothes simply for the reason of dressing him in YOUR outfit? I do understand they want to provide, but can't you just ask that he be sent in that next week. I am already tired of visits. We've had two.

2 comments:

Julie said...

I know- visits suck- if they want to give clothes that is WONDERFUL but like you said- I will put them in it next time. Fortunately or unfortunately I would say- I have not had parents who provide ANYTHING until very late in the game with my first placement. Then is was just a pair of shoes and a coupld stuffed animals. My current fd's bm has given a dress that is too small and a sleeper that fits. I haven't sent her to the visits in either one of those things but she rarely shows up anyway. She actually did today from what I hear so we will see if there is anything new when I pick her up.

Caseworkers really need to think about nap times!! they just don't think sometimes. :(

Susan said...

I talked with our girl's attorney about the nap issue and they now must schedule visits in the morning or late afternoon instead of at naptime. (hooray! small victory)
We also get interesting clothes at EVERY visit. About half the time they are not a size that would remotely fit her (try a size 3T dress on a 13 month old baby) and they are nearly always used and not laundered! If they are too big, I just send them back, but if they fit and I can make them work for the season, I send her to visits in them. Whe her worker came to observe a visit a few weeks ago she asked me if I needed more clothing allowance for the winter because baby girl was wearing a long sleeved shirt and babylegs under a sunsuit. I've told birth mom to keep her toys and bring them to each visit so she can play with them herslf with the baby (also interesting toys)

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I am a single mom to four amazing kids; each of whom just happen to have been adopted. The first three were adopted through foster care, and we just completed an international adoption from Haiti. Our family has grown through adoption and I am all the more blessed to know each of my children. I worship a mighty God, teach Special Ed, love bargains, and am inspired by Pinterest... come along with us for the ride!


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